Wicked Game
by BrokenFerryboats
Summary: MerDer AU. Meredith spends the summer at her best friend's summer house, but her friend's older brother's there as well. I'm bad at summary's but please check it out, it's better than it sounds. I've already written it, so daily updates for 3 weeks!
1. Chapter 1

**Part one**

On the very first day of high school Mer and Allie became best friends. It was kind of strange, though because, really, you could not have found two more different people in the entire school. Allie was cheerful and outgoing and she was one of those people that everyone dreamed to be in high school. She was beautiful, with platinum blonde hair and piercing blue eyes, smart and kind and literally every girl in the school had a crush on her boyfriend, who was the captain of the football team. Mer, on the other hand, was messy, unfocused and she definitely did not do boyfriends or girly talk. She was beautiful, though, gorgeous even, but most boys knew better then try to get near her. She was famous for her bad temper, her love of tequila and her messy family life. But for some reason Allie and Mer could read each other like an open book. Allie always seemed to know what was wrong without asking and knew exactly how to distract her when things got complicated at home. And at the same time Mer understood Allie's frustrations with her parents' expectations. When they were together they could talk about anything knowing that the other wouldn't judge.

After four long years of high school they moved to different parts of the country for college, Mer went to Boston and Allie to San Francisco. They lead busy lives the first year and it really wasn't until the summer after that they actually got to spend some time together, deciding to spend their weeks off from school in Allie's family's summer house in California. Mer flew out to San Francisco from where they drove to the summer house, the drive being only a few hours.

"...and then I told him that I was way too young to get engaged, I mean you wouldn't get engaged right now? Would you? Of course you wouldn't. So then we kind of broke up. In april." Allie rambled away.

"What do you mean by "kind of" broke up?" Mer inquired.

"Well, there's the occasional break-up/make-up sex."

"But still you're not together?"

"It's like that casual-dating thing."

"So basically it's sex without commitment. Man, you've changed!"

"Oh, it sounds kind of whorish when you put it that way," Allie giggled.

"Who cares, we're young. No one will ever know," Mer laughed.

"You're right. This summer's gonna be so much fun. I've missed you, Mer."

"Aw, I've missed you too Allie. Are your parents going to be there for the summer also or is it just us?"

"They're up there now but I think they're only staying for the weekend. In fact I think everyone's up there now except Holly. She had to work. But Nancy's there with Bryan, her new boyfriend, and Derek's there also."

"Wow, you're brother. You realize we've been best friends for almost five years and I've never even met him."

"Yeah well... I've barely seen him myself since he started med school and with him starting his internship in the fall I doubt I'll see more of him. He was actually talking about staying for a few weeks. He promised dad he would repair some of the damage to the house since the storm this winter. But don't worry he won't stand in the way of us having our fun."

"Oh, so he isn't like the overprotective big brother that won't let any male come near his little sister?"

"No! or... I don't know really. We haven't been around each other much at all since I grew boobs. God I hope not!"

"Well maybe you could use a break from all that break-up/make-up sex you've been having," Mer shrugged.

"Oh that is so not fair! You just said that we're young and that no one will ever know and whatever," Allie argued.

"Well if you're big brother's gonna be right next door, I think he'll figure it out if you're doing the horizontal mambo with someone. He went through med school I'm assuming he's smart enough to realize something like that!"

"Mer, honey. You'll be pretty surprised by how brainless he can actually be."

"You keep telling yourself that."

"Yeah."

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"We're just waiting for Allie and Meredith and then we'll eat," Derek's mom yelled from the kitchen.

"I hear you just fine, mom," he said as he entered the kitchen.

"Oh, you're here. Sorry honey."

"No, it's fine."

"Anyway, they should be here any minute."

"Okay, that's fine. I can't wait to see her, I can't believe it's been two years since I've seen Allie."

"Yeah," his mother sighed with a smile. "They've both grown a lot. Of course, you've never met Meredith."

"Isn't that the girl who she was with when she was caught smoking on the school ground when she was like fifteen," Derek frowned.

"Derek, don't judge. It was just as much Allie's fault as it was Meredith's. And it's been years. No one is ever perfect," his mother lectured as they heard the doorbell ring.

He walked into the foyer and watched as his father opened the door to greet his sister, who sure had grown a lot, and her friend. Her friend who was so stunning that just looking at her across the small foyer took his breath away. It was strange, because he had seen really beautiful women before. He had even dated a few. But this was different. There were no words for how beautiful she looked. Her face was rather pale and if you looked closely you could see light freckles on her cute button nose. Her lips were full and rosy colored and all he could really think about was kissing them, claiming them as his. She had high cheekbones and stunning emerald green eyes. Her honey blonde hair was long and curly in messy kind of way. She didn't wear make-up or seem to be the slightest concerned about her appearance, which made her even more breathtaking. She was wearing tight jeans, that hugged perfectly the curves of her thighs and her ass, and a college t-shirt. And while trying not to stare at her in a too obvious way Derek made a mental note that he had to start breathing again sometime soon if he was going to be able to greet them.

She could feel his eyes on her as soon as she entered the house. They burned through her skin, starting with her face and then descending slowly. She didn't dare look at him and she smiled as Michael Shepherd pulled her into a hug. Usually she thought it was creepy when guys were checking her out. But for some reason, that she could not put her hands on, this was different. When she finally looked his way his piercing blue eyes locked with hers. It was like he was reading her, like he could tell every single one of her secrets just by looking at her. And he was hot. There really wasn't any other word. He had the same eyes as Allie, the blue ones. They got them from Lizzie, their mother. But he had the dark curls from his father. She had seen pictures of him. On the wall at the Shepherd house back home, but she quickly decided they didn't do him justice. His nose was slightly crooked, which just made his face more handsome if that was even possible and he had a small scar just above his left eyebrow. After a few seconds of staring at each other like complete idiots (thankfully neither Allie or Michael seemed to notice) Allie jumped up to give her brother a hug forcing them to look away.

"God, I've missed you DerBear," she said while hugging him.

"You too, Allie. You've grown quite a bit," he laughed.

"You look pretty much the same," Allie giggled as she released him. "Oh, and this is Meredith."

"Hi," he smiled looking her way again.

"It's nice to meet you," she smiled a little.

"So, is dinner ready? I'm starving," Allie said as she walked into the house and made her way to the kitchen.

"Yeah, we were just waiting for you," Derek replied as he followed Allie and Meredith into the house trying to calm his nerve, quite unsuccessfully.

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"So, Meredith. How is school going," Lizzie asked as they ate.

"It's going fine," Meredith shrugged as she put another piece of lasagna in her mouth. "Though, I'm very happy to get a few weeks away from studying."

"I bet," Lizzie laughed. "So you'll be fine here, just the two, of you for the summer?"

"Yeah mom, we'll be fine," Allie sighed feeling like she was having this conversation for the millionth time.

"Just don't do anything I wouldn't do," Nancy laughed.

"That actually doesn't leave much out," Meredith giggled.

"It really doesn't," Allie agreed.

"Parents at the table," Nancy glared.

"Sorry," Allie laughed. "But yeah, we'll be fine."

"And Derek will be here to keep an eye on you," Michael said firmly.

"Wait! Under what sort of circumstances will he have to keep an eye on us?" Allie asked.

"Like if you two try to cook and accidentally burn the house down. It's not so unlikely that that'll happen," her father laughed.

"And of course keep all the boys away," Lizzie added as she served herself more lasagna. "I'm serious about that one, I hope you know that."

"Seriously? That's not fair. I'm pretty sure you didn't keep an eye on Derek and the girls he was with when he was my age," she argued.

"That's not the same," Derek argued.

"How is that not the same?" Allie asked, getting more frustrated.

"Because boys tend to be after only one thing," he said.

"What makes you so sure girls aren't after the exact same thing?" Allie asked glaring at him.

"I...well, I just know," he stumbled on his words. "And besides. You're my baby sister, I'm supposed to protect you," he finished.

"So what? I mean Mer's not your sister but I suppose you're going to protect her as well? Making sure no boy gets near her?"

He almost screamed Yes! He was definitely going to make sure no boy got anywhere near her. Even though he knew he couldn't really have her, she was his sister's best friend, he was definitely not going to watch someone else have her.

"I guess, you too seem to be sort of a package deal," he finally answered, trying to sound nonchalant.

But the thing was, Mer had noticed the way he glanced at her, trying his best to be discreet. The way he looked down her t-shirt when she bent forward to reach for the vegetables. They way he had stared at her butt when he followed them into the kitchen earlier. And as she listened to them argue about sleep-overs and pre-marital sex, an idea formed in her head. She knew he was a decent guy and would stay away from his teenage sister's best friend. But, if he was going to keep other boys away from her, she sure was going to make this summer hard for him. Oh, this was going to be so much fun.


	2. Chapter 2

Thank you so much for your comments =) Here's part 2.

**Part two**

Meredith Grey was not a morning person. She was definitely not a morning person. So the loud noises that surged through her room at eight in the morning made her want to kill the person causing them, whoever it was. Wasn't this supposed be a place where people went to relax? She finally gave up on waiting for the noise to subside and rolled out of bed and headed downstairs to the kitchen where she found Allie waiting for her with a cup of hot strong coffee.

"This is why we are friends," Meredith sighed as she felt the bitter liquid burn down her throat.

"Well, I don't know how long this friendship will last because you do look like you're trying to decide what will be the most painful way to kill my brother," Allie giggled while buttering a bread roll.

"That is your brother? What the hell is he doing?" Meredith all but yelled. "And whoever said family tromps friends?"

"He's repairing the front porch. That's kind of the whole point of him being here. Well that and making sure I won't get any all summer," she sighed.

"At eight in the morning? Seriously?" Meredith puffed. "And don't worry I won't let him ruin your sex life. I want you in a good mood this summer."

"Yeah," Allie giggled. "I'm sure you can distract him while I go out and find myself a cute boy to play with."

"What is that supposed to mean?" Meredith asked, trying to sound clueless.

"The way he was looking at you last night," she laughed.

"He wasn't looking at me in any unusual way," Meredith shrugged as she reached for a bread roll.

"He was looking at you like he wanted to have his way with right then and there."

"Well if that's the case the noises he is making right now are not helping his chances."

"Maybe you should inform him of that. I'm sure that'll make him stop."

"Funny," Meredith said rolling her eyes.

"Well, look at the bright side, Mer. He seems hell bent on keeping boys away from us but I'm sure you're more than welcome in his bed. And then while you're busy... distracting him I can do whatever I want. That way everyone's happy."

"You do realize that's your brother you're talking about. And he's like a bazillion years older than us. Are you really that desperate for sex?"

"Yes! Meredith we are talking about the entire summer here. And he's twenty six, he's not that old."

"I am not having this conversation."

"Fine, I give up!"

"Where are your parents by the way?"

"They left this morning, dad has a surgery in the afternoon. Nancy and Bryan went with them."

"Oh okay. So what do you want to do today?"

"Sit by the pool with a book and my ipod set loud enough to drown out these noises since you won't help me tune them down," Allie sighed.

"Sounds good," Mer agreed ignoring her latter comment. She was way too tired for anything else, really. This way she could fall asleep by the pool and maybe get a little tanned.

"Good morning," she heard a very cheerful someone say behind her as he entered the kitchen.

"Morning," Allie smiled to her brother as Meredith stayed silent.

"You know it's only polite to greet someone when they greet you," Derek said while sitting down next to his sister, facing Meredith.

"If you knew anything about politeness you wouldn't have woken me up at eight in the morning," Meredith said looking him in the eyes for the first time. She just hated how naked she felt when he looked at her like that. The same way he had last night. "And it won't be a good morning until I finish this cup and then one more," she continued.

"She's not exactly a morning person," Allie whispered to her brother as Meredith's attention went back to her bread roll.

"So I gather," Derek chuckled his eyes still on the girl sitting in front of him. Her hair was a little bit messier than it had been last night and she still had a pillow mark on her cheek but she looked just as beautiful. She was wearing a light pink strappy nightgown, one that made it very obvious that she wasn't wearing a bra, but unlike him she seemed pretty oblivious to that fact.

"So what are you two going to do today? Are you heading into town?" Derek asked trying to focus on something other than the chest of the nineteen-year-old facing him.

"No, we're going to lay down by the pool and relax," Allie said as she stood up gathering the dishes and bringing them to the sink.

Shit, was the first word running through Derek's mind as he drank in his sister's words. He inhaled sharply as he pictured Meredith laying on the side of the pool in a bathing suit, his pants suddenly feeling a lot tighter.

The sound of his sharp breath got Meredith's attention as she finally looked up from her coffee cup and caught his gaze on her chest. She smiled to herself. In the daze of her morning fury she had forgotten about her little plan but it was all coming back to her now.

Derek directed his gaze to the cup of coffee his sister had placed in front of him a few moments earlier, trying desperately to calm certain body parts of his. This will be fine, he tried to convince himself. She would probably not even wear anything too revealing. It's not like she'd be trying to impress anybody here, right? And he would be busy repairing, concentrating really hard on repairing the porch...

"So, what are you doing today Der?" Allie asked sitting down again.

"Uhhh... I was going to paint the old fence around the backyard. It doesn't look like it'll rain today so I should probably get it over with," Derek replied pretending that the usual sunny weather was the only reason he wanted to stay by the pool today.

"Derek it never rains here," Allie frowned glaring at her brother, while Meredith smirked knowing exactly what was on Derek's mind.

"It might," he defended. "Anyway, do you know if mom bought any muesli?" he asked trying to change the subject.

"I actually saw some in the cabinet here somewhere," Meredith replied getting up quickly.

"You and your muesli," Allie chuckled before getting up as well heading to the bathroom.

Meredith could feel his eyes on her back as she walked to the cabinet and opened it. She stood on her toes and reached up so that her short nightgown rode up and exposed half her bottom.

In the short time Derek had spent with this girl he had become used to breathing difficulties. Because that happened whenever he looked at her. So it really didn't surprise him that he stopped breathing the moment his gaze landed on her naked bottom. Or that his pants, again, felt all too tight. Oh, this was going to be a very long and frustrating summer.

Meredith pretended not to notice the exposure of her ass and swayed her hips gently and purposefully to one side as she reached to grab the packet of muesli to the left on the shelf. Still on her toes with her hands in the air she spun around so for a part of a second Derek's eyes caught a glimpse of what was surely a thong covering her center and yelled happily "Found it!" before lowering herself to her heels.

Derek mouth was dry and all he could mutter was a low and husky "Great" coming out as more of a growl. She bounced cheerfully back to the table in the large kitchen and placed the packet on the table. "Do you want me to get you a bowl and a spoon?" she then asked.

"What?" he asked as his eyes found hers again after having been locked on her flawless curves.

"Do you need a bowl and a spoon?" she giggled.

"Yeah, sure."

Thankfully the shelves holding those things were well in her reach because Derek was sure that any more exposure of her skin would push him to the edge. She came waltzing back with a bowl and a spoon and placed it in front of him leaning forward a bit so he could admire the curves of her breasts and then quickly standing back up. If his knees had felt the slightest less weak he would have gotten up at that moment, grabbed her, pushed her up against the wall and claimed her as his. Reasons why not, like his sister who would probably soon reenter the kitchen, the age difference between them and hell the fact that he barely even knew her just flew out the window. But when Allie came back from the bathroom a second later he was very thankful for the weak knees that had prevented him to do just that. But as the girls headed upstairs for a change of clothes a plan started to form in his head and he quickly decided that if he ever got her alone, weak knees would be the last thing stopping him in taking exactly what he wanted from her.


	3. Chapter 3

**Part three**

While Allie and Meredith soaked up the sun by the pool Derek repainted the old fence a few feet away from them. It was going very slowly, mainly because his mind was far away from fence painting and his gaze was stuck on Meredith lying by the pool. No matter how hard he tried to steer his thinking to something else than fantasies of her in his bed, or anywhere really, it just wouldn't. It was like she had a hold on him and wouldn't let go. So the day went by as a lazy one for all of them and soon it was dusk.

"I'll make us something for dinner," Derek offered as they entered the house.

"Thanks," Allie said as she yawned a bit.

"You're really tired from doing nothing all day?" Derek mocked.

"It's very tiring," she smiled tiredly.

"Okay," he chuckled. "So, what do you want for dinner?"

"I don't know. Mer, what do you want?"

"I don't know, something Italian," Meredith said.

"I feel like pizza," Allie agreed.

"Okay, do we have everything we need?" Derek asked.

"I think so," Allie replied as they walked into the kitchen and started checking the cabinets and the fridge.

"We don't have any onions. There's no pizza without onions," Derek said when they'd gathered everything they needed.

"I'll run down to the store while you start making the dough," Allie offered.

"You want me to go with you?" Meredith asked as she let out a small yawn.

"That's okay," Allie giggled. "It's just around the corner I won't be long at all."

"Thank you," Meredith sighed as she propped herself onto the kitchen counter and Allie headed upstairs to change before going to the store.

She watched as Derek moved around the kitchen effortlessly seeming to know exactly what he was doing. "Do you want any help?" she asked after a little while.

"No," he said with a chuckle. "I was to make sure you two wouldn't try and cook anything, remember?"

"That and make sure we won't have sex for the entire summer. You should know your sister is not fun to hang out with when she's sexually frustrated," Meredith sighed as she leaned back resting her head against the wall behind her.

"Don't say sister and sex in the same sentence," Derek frowned.

"Sorry," she laughed. "It's just..." she paused for a bit.

"What?" he then asked.

"Nothing," she shrugged.

"Tell me," he said turning away from the dough and facing her.

"I don't know what I was going to say," she said smiling innocently. She shrugged as she sat up, the strap of the white see-through summer dress she had slipped on over her bikini falling down her left shoulder.

"I don't believe you," he said walking over to where she was sitting and came to stand directly between her slightly parted legs.

"You don't?" she asked in a low voice his face now only inches from hers.

"No," he answered staring straight into her eyes, looking at her like he could see straight through her again. Making her feel so exposed she could just as well have been sitting butt naked there with her every secret written on her forehead.

"You're right, I was lying," she admitted her voice still low as his gaze went down to her full lips, resting there for a moment before descending further down to her bare shoulder.

"What were you going to say?" he asked, his breathing becoming ragged from the close proximity.

"Doesn't matter," she said just above a whisper as their eyes met again. She then felt the feather light touches of his fingertips on her bare knees and inhaled sharply, their eyes still locked. His fingers slowly traced imaginary patterns on her thighs reaching the hem of her dress and continuing their movements underneath it as their faces stayed mere inches apart. His hands reached even higher, lightly tracing the line where the fabric of her bikini bottoms met her bare skin. She felt if as her heart was beating out of her chest. Her breath came out in short pants as her chest heaved.

He knew there were probably a thousand reasons why he shouldn't be doing this. But none of them mattered in that moment. He let his fingers follow the line of her bikini bottoms over her hips. When he reached the soft skin of her butt he roughly grabbed it pulling her flush against him letting her feel exactly how much he wanted her. Her chest was pressed against his and he tilted his head so his mouth caressed her ear letting her feel his hot breath on her skin.

"Tell me anyway," he whispered before taking her earlobe into his mouth, sucking on it gently. His hands were still firmly on her ass holding her tight to him.

"I was just going to say ... that your... your sister doesn't seem to have a problem with discussing your se... uhm... your sex life," she managed to get out but the words coming out as more of a whimper.

"What did she say?" he asked as he bit lightly down on her earlobe before descending to her neck.

"I... she said..." Meredith stumbled. Her body was on fire. She shivered everywhere he touched her.

"Answer me!" he growled as he continued to nip and bite on her neck, surely leaving marks.

"She said I should distract you," Meredith finally managed to breath out.

"She said that?" he asked again, his hands finally leaving her butt and starting to roam down her thighs.

"I... yeah," she whimpered as his fingers went back up her inner thigh and gently stroked her bikini covered mound, finding a warm wet spot.

"And how would you do that?" he asked as he continued leaving a trail of kisses and light bite marks down her chest.

"I..." she inhaled deeply as he tugged the strap of her dress further down so that he had better access to her breast, his other hand still between her legs.

"You what?" he urged as he tugged the fabric covering her breast away and descended his mouth to it.

"I would... oh god!" she moaned as he took her nipple in his mouth and at the same time slipped his fingers underneath her bikini bottoms. But right in that moment the sound of the front door opening swiftly caused them to pull apart. Derek quickly turned back to the dough he'd left half-done on the counter and Meredith tried desperately to fix her bikini and her dress taking deep breaths to try and calm down. A few seconds later Allie came bursting through the kitchen door.

"So, how's the dough coming?" Allie asked.

"Almost done," Derek answered in a flat tone without looking up at his sister.

"Great," she smiled and then she turned to her friend who sat on the counter with a blush in her cheeks. "Are you okay Mer? You look a little flushed, are you sure you're feeling well?" she said with concern in her voice as she brought her hand up to Meredith's forehead.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just a little dazed from, you know, the sun," Meredith replied trying to sound normal.

"Okay then," Allie answered.

"Actually, I think I'm going to have a quick shower while the pizza's in the oven."

"Sure," Allie answered. "Derek, how long till the pizza's ready?"

"What?" he snapped his up and tried to get the image of Meredith taking a shower out of his head.

"When is dinner ready?" Allie asked again.

"Umm... half an hour," he said turning back to the pizza, the image of Meredith rubbing soap over her full breasts still running through his head. Boy, this was not good.

"Great," Meredith answered turning on her heels and heading upstairs. When she entered her room she collapsed on the bed and tried to steady her breathing. This was not good. She was supposed to be the one in control. She was supposed to the one with the upper hand. And right now, she wasn't. And it sure as hell wasn't supposed to go this far. He was Allie's older brother. He was seven years older than she. And if Allie hadn't come back she probably would have had sex with him right there on the kitchen counter. This was very very bad.

When the pizza was in the oven, Derek stepped outside for a bit to try and clear his head. It was funny how this girl managed to push all morals out of his head. Normally he wouldn't get near a girl this young. He would stay away from his sister's best friend. He wouldn't have sex with someone he'd known for one day on his parents' kitchen counter. He knew she was messing with him, teasing him. It was all too obvious. But she was good at it. And that look in her eyes as she sat there on the counter, her legs slightly apart from each other, the strap of her see-through dress fallen down exposing the curve of her flawless breast, her hair up in a messy pony tail. Even though he knew she was playing with him, he was pretty sure she had no idea just how she affected him. Fine, he thought. Let her play with him all she wants. But hopefully she knew by now that two can play this game.


	4. Chapter 4

Thank you all for your comments, adds to favorites and story alerts - it makes me very happy. This part is kind of short... I really want to post the entire story at once so I'm really trying to pace myself... just one part at a time ;-). But I promise to make it daily updates so you'll never have to wait too long. The entire story is 20 parts.

**Part four**

As fate would have it, Allie did find herself a cute boy. His name was Steve, and he was staying with his parents in a house not far from Allie's parents' house. He was from New York, had dark brown hair and hazel colored eyes and was a year older than she. They were inseparable from day one so Allie and Meredith would spend their days with him and his two buddies who were also spending their summer there. The girls had fun with them since they knew their way around the area a lot better then them and they took them to all the best places to hang out.

Meredith had been a lot subtler about trying to mess with Derek since their kitchen encounter. Mainly because it scared her how quickly he had managed to turn the game around in a way she never thought he would. She went into this positive that he wouldn't act on any feeling she'd provoke in him. From what Allie had told her he was always a perfect gentleman with women, while his best friend was more of a love 'em and leave 'em kind of guy and she used to laugh about how opposite they were.

When it came to hanging out with their new friends, getting around Derek had been easier said than done. The first time the boys had shown up at the house to pick up the girls on their way to a local swimming pool, he said the only way he'd let them go was if they'd wear a one-piece bathing suit, remembering Meredith's tiny little red string bikini all too well. Of course they agreed but when they got there they wore the bikinis they had managed to sneak into their bag. Another time was when they were all headed out to a local bar and he'd insisted that Meredith would change her top, saying it was too revealing. But that time she'd just responded with a single "no" and ignored his protests as she walked out the door. A part of him thought that she was still teasing him with all the little things she did, like flirting with Steve's friend in front of him and so on. But as the weeks went by he'd convinced himself that her little game had ended right there on the kitchen counter when they had crossed that big fat line.

But that didn't mean she didn't have an effect on him. Because clueless as she might be about it, she still made his breathing ragged just by being in the same room. She still made his heartbeat quicken whenever she giggled at something Allie would say. She still made his pants grow tighter whenever she'd come down for breakfast in that tiny little sleeping gown of hers. And as much as he hated it when she walked out the door that time in that very exposing top, he secretly loved the fact that she wouldn't let him tell her what to do. That she was so independent and feisty.

One evening they were again at that bar again; Allie, Meredith, Steve, his two friends Mike and Liam and Mike's girlfriend Kelly.

They'd been there for a while and Mer was beginning to feel a bit tipsy from the shots of tequila she'd been having. Allie and Steve were slow dancing on a make shift dance floor in the middle of the bar and Mike and Kelly were making out in the corner of the booth while Meredith and Liam were engaged in a conversation. She was bored. He kept going on and on about his father's company, how successful it was and so on. She'd never been attracted to wealth or success. It'd never impressed her. If anything it put her off. She thought it had probably a lot to do with her mom. She listened to Liam go on about some deal they'd just made with someone important. He was sitting awfully close for someone she didn't know all that well and she then felt him place his hand on her thigh. And for some reason she let him. Maybe it was simply because she was lonely.


	5. Chapter 5

_Here's your MerDer interaction..._

**Part five **

Then she felt someone's eyes on her. It was that intense penetrating gaze she had grown accustomed to over the last weeks. She knew without even looking up that Derek was there. She wondered what the hell he was doing here as she glanced at him sideways and saw that he was sitting by the bar with another guy around his age whom he seemed to know. His friend was chatting away but Derek didn't seem to be listening as he was now staring at her and she hoped he didn't notice her sneaking glances at him. He did not look happy. In fact he looked furious, like someone had just stolen his favorite toy. He lowered his gaze to look at where Liam's hand rested high on her jean-clad thigh. He reluctantly looked away when his friend snapped at him for not listening, though he continued to sneak glances at her. Meredith couldn't breath. She never could when he was looking at her like that.

"So?" Liam asked her.

"So what?" she asked back, smiling her sweetest smile knowing Derek was shooting daggers at her while she hoped Liam didn't notice that she wasn't really listening to a word he was saying.

"I was thinking, maybe we should get out of here," Liam said as he brought his hand up to her face running his fingers down her jaw.

"I don't think they'll really notice," Meredith smiled referring to the two other couples that'd come with them. It was really all an act. Just like before. She wanted to make him jealous.

"I doubt it," Liam replied as he took her hand and they stood up.

Meredith said goodbye to Allie before walking out the door of the bar with Liam's arm draped around her feeling Derek's intense gaze on her back cutting straight through her.

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"Man, what's with you? I've never seen you so short-tempered!" Luke asked as he watched his friend swallow his entire drink in one shot. He'd just arrived in town to visit his parents and decided to meet up with Derek since he hadn't seen him in a while.

"What?" Derek's head snapped away from the door he'd been staring at since the object of his obsession walked out with another's man arm draped around her to look at his friend. A part of him had been hoping she'd come back through that door with the teasing smirk she used to wear weeks before. But realistically he was pretty sure she hadn't even noticed him there, she seemed to be quite into the boy she'd been with.

"I'm pretty sure you haven't even listened to a word I've said." Luke continued, studying his friend.

"Of course I have, you were talking about your brother moving to Atlanta," Derek shrugged hoping he'd made the right guess.

"Sure," Luke sighed not wanting to correct him. He looked around the bar until his eyes rested on a pretty brunette in the corner booth who was smiling at him. "Want to come over there with me?" he asked Derek pointing to where the girl was with her friends. "Her friend is hot. Maybe you just need to get laid."

You have no idea! he thought as he shook his head, trying to shake Meredith out of it. "No, I'm tired and I think I'll just head back," he said. "But you go have fun."

"Okay man. I'll come by tomorrow before I go back," Luke said already headed to the booth.

"See you then," Derek muttered to himself. He knew Luke was right. He was short tempered and distracted. He was fucking frustrated and he knew exactly who was to blame for that. It was all her even if she had no idea. He sighed as he ordered another single malt scotch wondering what on earth was happening to him.

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Meredith took a deep breath of fresh air. She was walking home with Liam's arm still firmly on her waist as if he was making sure she wouldn't run away from him. She stumbled a little feeling even the effects of the poison she'd been shooting down all evening. She felt Liam's hand slide down even lower until it was resting on her bottom. She contemplated pushing it away but then thought better of it. She liked it there. It made it easier to pretend that the person she really wanted to be touching her actually was. Even if Liam's touch didn't cause a tingly feeling down her spine, a rapid heartbeat or a short of breath it did make it easier to dream. She wasn't stupid. She knew those dreams would never be more than just that. Dreams. Delusional fantasies. But she decided that tonight she'd allow herself to dream and pretend that it might just all come true. Wow, now her head was really starting to sound corny.

Eventually they'd reached Allie's parents' house. He'd talked all the way there but she didn't recall one word of it. As they reached the doorway she suddenly found herself being pressed up against it, pinned between the cold wall and Liam's body as his lips pressed against hers.

She tried to pretend. To imagine it was Derek she was kissing. That it were his hands running down her sides. But the touch of these fingers wasn't as light and soft, it was rough. And the kisses she was receiving were wet and slobby, all too different from the soft yet predatory kisses Derek had trailed down her neck. And when she felt the cold fingers slide under her shirt she knew she couldn't do it. It felt wrong. So she pushed his hands away.

"Stop, Liam." She breathed, feeling too drained to even talk.

"What's wrong?" He asked as he pulled away with a confusing look on his face.

"I... we can't." She said in a low voice, all of a sudden feeling fragile and vulnerable.

"What? Why?"

"Because she's mine!" An angry voice came from behind them.

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Derek didn't know what had come over him. After swallowing down that second glass he'd walked home. He wasn't expecting to see her, thinking he was smart enough not to go back to their house. He'd tried to push thoughts of this guy taking her home and having his way with her out of his head but they just wouldn't go away. His imagination went into overdrive and through his head ran all his favorite fantasies of her except it wasn't him anymore. It was that other guy. She would be someone else's before she was even his. As he walked he grew even more frustrated and angry. He was pissed. Pissed at himself for not haven taken what he wanted from her already. Pissed at Allie for getting in the way of him claiming her as solely his. Pissed at Meredith for haunting his every thought. Pissed at that guy whose name he didn't even know for putting his hands on her.

When he'd reached the house he'd seen her, in his arms. Though he saw her wince as he kissed her neck and then push him away, he'd probably have done the same even if she'd fully participated. Alcohol and anger were clouding his judgments but he knew that was just an excuse, because he was thinking clearly. He knew what he wanted and he was going to get it.

So after he'd blurted out the words in an angry spat he grabbed her upper arm firmly and pulled her with him stumbling inside the house closing the door on a dumbfounded Liam, leaving him alone outside.

He didn't let go of her arm and she winced a little as he dragged her into the house.

"What on earth are you doing, let go of me!" she spat.

"Hell no," he shouted back.

"No?" She yelled as they reached the living room and he finally let go of her hand.

"No," he said staring straight into her eyes. Oh boy, she thought, there was that look again. He was standing so close to her that they were almost touching and she could feel his hot breath on her skin. She could tell that he'd been drinking. He moved a little closer if that was even possible and muttered his next words. "I am far from being done with you."

She felt her breath hitch in her throat and she was at loss for words. She stumbled a few steps back and tried to gather her thoughts. They were drunk. They shouldn't b e doing this. Why would he even want to, he could have anyone he wanted?

"You've done enough! You're drunk and you're horny and you just automatically expect me to fall into bed with you? You're unbelievable! Screw you!" she yelled turning on her heel.

"Oh no, you don't get to make me the bad guy. You're the one who keeps waltzing through here in see-through tops and tight jeans tempting and teasing every guy that looks your way, torturing them into trying to imagine what actually is under there! Though I guess no one will ever know since you never follow through!" he yelled without realizing what he was saying, his frustrations coming out as an unfair blame towards her.

And his words hurt. Usually they wouldn't. She didn't know if it was because they were coming from him or because the alcohol was messing with her head.

"So what you're saying? That I dress slutty? That I'm a tease? You know you're sister dresses the exact same way and I've never once heard you make a comment on that. And for your information I was just about to follow through when you dragged me in here!" she yelled back.

"Oh no you weren't!" he shot right back.

She stared at him while trying to catch her breath before breathing out a word. "Fine!"

"Fine?" he asked.

"Yeah, fine," she was yelling again. "You want to see what's under these clothes? Really?" she asked as tears started to form in her eyes. She was tired and his hurtful words were still cutting through her.

Just then he noticed how her bottom lip was starting to tremble. He'd touched a nerve. He could see how she was trying to hold back the tears. "No Mer, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it."

But she was already unbuttoning her jeans and not listening to what he was saying. "Because it's not really that great!" she continued and he swallowed as she slid her jeans down her thighs revealing her full hips and smooth long legs, her center only covered with a tiny lace thong. "See!" She looked up at him, a tear escaping down her cheek. "Scrawny white freckled legs!" she declared as she threw away her jeans. She moved her fingers to the hem of her shirt and lifted it up to reveal her flat stomach and then her full breasts. She looked at him trying to find judgment and criticism in his ocean blue eyes as she stood there, practically naked and vulnerable in front of him. But she found nothing. He looked at her like he was staring right through her, like he always did.

Derek couldn't breath. She was all but naked in front of him. And he couldn't take his eyes away from her soft curves. Wishing he could see what was underneath that thong. Her amazingly full perky breasts were naked to his eye. He knew in that moment that he had to have her. He couldn't turn away now. It would be physically impossible. He could feel his pants were growing smaller by the second.

But she couldn't read him. All of a sudden feeling very sober, she panicked and muttered the words "Told you it wasn't that great!" as she turned on her heel and headed towards the stairs unknowingly exposing her very naked plump bottom to his hungry gaze.

Seeing her exposed form walk away from him shook him out of his daze and in two long strides he caught up to her. He grabbed her arms and pushed her up to the wall his mouth crushing down on hers.

At first his kiss was soft. His hands ran down to her hips where they rested as he deepened the kiss a little. When he nipped at her bottom lip she released a soft moan. And that was his undoing. In a second it went from a sweet and gentle smooch to a demanding all consuming kiss. Without asking for permission he pushed his tongue passed the barriers of her lips and into her warm mouth learning all her intimate secrets. His hands moved to cup her ass as he lifted her up and she wrapped her legs around him. He moved to kiss down her cheek and when he came down to her ear he whispered the words she'd always remember. "You to me are perfect."

_And of course there's a porny update coming tomorrow..._


	6. Chapter 6

_Writergirl2011: Thank you for your suggestion... it is very tempting. However I think I'll stick to my plan ;)  
_

_Thanks for all your reviews... here's part six._

**Part six**

Though they'd both drinking Derek managed to stumble with her petite body in his arms up the stairs, his mouth never leaving her neck. He sucked and bit on her sensitive skin eliciting a moan from her now swollen lips. His hands were still firmly on her ass and her legs were wrapped tightly around his waist so she could feel his hardening cock pressing against her core.

"Fuck" he groaned as she started to roll her hips desperately against his, nearly making him lose his balance as they reached the door to his room. He stumbled and suddenly he had her pressed up against the door, pinned between it and his hard body. His lips found hers again with a growing urgency. It wasn't a game of tempting and teasing anymore. It wasn't a want anymore. It was a need. She was like his oxygen.

His hands wandered from her plump bottom and ran over the flat plane of her stomach. As they reached her rip cage his touch had become so soft and light and yet electric that it caused her to shiver, and then even more so when they lightly grazed her full breasts, barely touching her erect rosy nipples. He pulled his mouth away from her neck and looked up at her. Her breath was ragged and her chest was heaving. Her cheeks were flushed and her hair was tousled and her eyes had darkened to a dark green. She was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

Her small hands then began fumbling with the buttons of his shirt but she only managed to undo a couple before he grabbed her wrists. Trapped in his hand he placed them above her head. She had had the upper hand all these weeks. Now it was his turn. She whimpered as she tried to fight his grip, desperately wanting to touch him, to feel him. But he held her small wrists firmly in his left hand as he let his right one wander to the juncture between her legs. He hooked his fingers in the fabric of her thong and pulled it down far enough to give him a clear view of what it had attempted to conceal. As he began to move his fingers up and down her slick folds she stopped fighting his grip on her hands and gave in to the sensation. She moaned as she closed her eyes and rolled her head back against the door. Somewhere in her head was a voice telling her that her best friend could walk in any second and see her doing not so innocent things with her older brother, but as he pushed a finger inside her she simply stopped caring. He let his thumb rub her clit as he gently thrust into her again and again.

He couldn't take his eyes off of her as he slowly worked her towards her peak. She moaned and whimpered as he teased her gently. But he wanted to see her. He wanted to look into her eyes as she came.

"Open your eyes," he coaxed as he pushed a second finger inside of her.

"Oh, god," she moaned, keeping her eyes firmly shut.

"Open them, Mer," he continued as his fingers began to move a little faster. "Look at me, I want to see you."

She finally opened her eyes to look at him. The look in his eyes was dark and wild; his normally calming ocean-colored eyes had darkened to a stormy blue. His hair was tousled from the way she'd tugged at it earlier. "Good girl," he said hoarsely as he pushed a third finger inside her making her gasp for air.

He had complete control over her. Her legs clung loosely to his waist, but enough to hold her up. His left hand held her wrists firmly. His right hand was making her ache for release. And his eyes held her gaze all the while.

He felt her walls start to clamp down on his fingers as she began to shake. He sped up the movement of his fingers even more making her scream out her release. Her eyes never looked away from him as she came hard. "Oh my... oh god! ...I ...Derek!"

He watched her with fascination. The way she arched her back. That wild look in her eyes. The way her whole body shook. The way she screamed out his name. He felt himself strain even more against his pants, if that was even possible.

As she came down from her orgasm he took her limp body in his arms once again and fumbled with the doorknob until he managed to get the door open. He then stumbled inside the dark room and let her fall gently onto his bed.

As he began fumbling with the buttons of his shirt he couldn't help but let his eyes wander over her body as it lay there, naked in his bed. He ran his eyes up her long smooth legs and full hips. Over her flat stomach up to her perky breasts and then down the feminine and delicate arms. He took in her beautiful, almost innocent looking face and her hair spread across his pillow. She was like a goddess. And even though he knew he shouldn't be doing this, he was too far gone now. He couldn't have stopped even if he wanted to.

When he finally found a way out of his shirt and pants he crawled on top of her and his lips found hers again. He nipped and tugged on bottom lip as she found herself finally free to run her fingers up his forearms and over his hard chest. He licked her lips gently this time asking for access, which she granted. As she opened her mouth his tongue found hers and they battled for power while her hands reach lower, down his hard abdomen they followed the line of curly hair to where it disappeared under his boxers. He gasped into her mouth when her small hand found his already hard cock and began stroking it. She was gentle at first, teasing him but soon her movements became more urgent.

He eventually pulled his mouth away from hers and she groaned in dislike, suddenly feeling a little cold. But the sounds of dislike then turned into moans as he kissed down her jaw, reaching ear. He took her ear lope into his mouth and bit gently down on it, making her gasp for air. "I need you Mer," he grunted out. "I can't wait any longer," he continued as he pushed his boxers down his legs and threw them away.

She tried to say something, anything that he could comprehend as an okay but she was at lost for words. Her breath coming out in short pants wasn't helping either. So she eventually just nodded, giving him permission to take her, claim her as his, do whatever he wanted with her. She was too far gone at that point.

He settled himself between her legs, letting the head his cock rub against her swollen clit, teasing her. His mouth found hers again and brushed against it gently.

"Look at me Mer," he whispered huskily into her mouth as he kissed her again, this time a little harder. She did as she was told. She was tired of fighting for power. He could have it. He could have her. Anyway that he wanted her.

He pushed the head of his cock into her, making her breath catch in her throat as he stared straight into her eyes. "You're beautiful," he said, his lips only inches from her, as he pushed all the way inside her.

He felt like he had died and gone to heaven. The feeling of her tight walls enveloping him was indescribable. Having her shaking form lie beneath him, looking into her gorgeous emerald eyes. It was like a dream. One that he didn't want ever to end.

He gave her a few moments to get used to his large size, but as soon as he felt her relax he began to move. His movements were gentle and sweet, his eyes constantly on hers. Her hands were firmly on her shoulder, clinging to him as he brought her closer and closer to ecstasy.

"Meredith?" he asked in a hoarse voice as his movements became faster and harder with each thrust.

"Yeah," she replied not looking away from him for a second.

"Tell me your mine!" he ordered in a low husky voice as he thrust into her again. It wasn't sweet and slow anymore. It was desperate.

"I'm yours!" she breathed without hesitation as her body began to shake.

"Say that no one else will have you," he continued, feeling her muscles clamping down on him hard.

"No one else," she muttered. Her body was beginning to tremble. "Oh, god!"

"Meredith!" he grunted as he pushed into her one last time and they came together.

"Derek, oh!"

"Oh, god! Mer!"

"Ohh..."

"Meredith!"

When they came down from their orgasms he didn't want to pull out of her yet. Instead he buried his face in her hair, breathing in her wonderful smell as their breathing slowed. God, she was intoxicating.

Eventually though he rolled off of her, but held her in his arms as he pulled the drapes over them, not wanting to let her go just yet.


	7. Chapter 7

_This part is just the morning after... please read the A/N at the end._

**Part seven**

The painfully bright sunrays that had made their way through the curtains woke her up early, along with her pounding headache. She blinked a few times, trying to adjust her eyes to the morning light. She then closed them again, just a few more seconds and then she'd get up.

It was then that she noticed it. The arm draped over her. The two hairy legs that were tangled up in her own. The warm breath on her neck. And then it all came back to her. Last night at the bar, the flirting with Liam, the evil glares from Derek, kissing Liam, arguing with Derek and... oh God! This was not good. This was so not good. Actually that was a lie. The soreness she felt in certain places did nothing but remind her of very good things, making her feel hot and bothered all over again...

... but No! She had to escape - this was not good. I mean Allie could come in. Oh, god did she actually sleep with Allie's brother? Allie's family was like her own. And if Allie's family was like her own, then that probably meant that last night had been... incestuous and that would be... very very very wrong. They'd probably never want to talk to her again. Probably throw her in jail. Do people go in jail for incest? And did they even lock the door? She couldn't remember. And what if Mrs. Shepherd decided to show up for a visit, like she'd talked about doing soon, and then she'd walk in and see her naked in bed with their son. And Allie. Where was Allie? She remembered her saying last night that she'd go home with Steve, but what if they'd change their minds. No, this was not good at all. She had to get out, like right now!

As she tried to slip away from him it suddenly dawned on her that she couldn't run away without waking him up, with his arm locked around her like that. Like he knew she'd try to run away. It was funny how he managed to see through her every single time. She took a breath, trying to get her head to stop panicking. Once she'd managed to relax a bit she closed her eyes and just enjoyed the way he held her. No one had ever done that before. She'd never felt so good. So safe. Maybe she could just pretend for a few more minutes. Pretend that he was hers. That he'd always keep her safe. Just until he woke up, then she'd deal with the consequences.

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The first thing he noticed when he woke up was her back pressed up against him. Instinctively he tightened his hold on her, afraid that she'd run away if he let her go. His face was buried in her hair, the smell of her intoxicating him. He lifted his head and opened his eyes, adjusting them to the morning sun. He looked down at her. The beautiful freckled button nose, her rosy lips, her honey blonde hair. God, she was amazing. Last night had been like dream. He'd loved the way she moaned when he touched her. The way she screamed his name. The look in her eyes when she came.

He knew that eventually she would wake up. Eventually she would realize that she had slept with her best friend's older brother. She would panic. Avoid. She would tell him it wouldn't happen again. Ever. He knew her. He hadn't known her for long, but he knew her. She had a tendency freaking out. So she'd run away from him the first chance she'd get.

But it wasn't enough. One night, amazing as it was, wasn't enough. He wanted more of her. He wanted to have her again and again and again.

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She was somewhere between awake and sleep but yet she was very much aware of his hand, who had been resting firmly on her stomach, slowly made his way down between her legs. She wasn't sure if she was dreaming or not, but when feeling the way his fingertips lightly graze her clit she really didn't care. Her body tingled all over. She felt his warm breath on her neck. Her breath was coming out in short pants as he let his fingers run up and down her folds. He took her ear lope into her mouth, sucking on it before whispering in her ear.

"Wake up," he told her.

"What?" her voice was hoarse as she squeezed her eyes shut.

"Open your eyes," he said biting lightly down on her ear lope as he pushed a finger inside her.

"Oh god!" she gasped as she opened her eyes. His thumb started rubbing her swollen clit as he gently thrust his finger in and out.

He couldn't take his eyes off of her. The way she bit on her lower lip, the blush in her cheeks, the smoky green in her eyes.

"Meredith!" A voice coming from downstairs caused Meredith to freeze. It was Allie. Allie was home already? What time was it, anyway?

Panic. This was the time for panicking. She should definitely start to panic right now. Except for his hand. His hand that was still inside of her, making it very hard to move anywhere. "I..." she began as she shot him nervous look. "I should...I mean."

"You're not going anywhere," he said in low voice as he pulled is fingers out of her and rolled them over, so that he was on top of her, pinning her between the mattress and his warm body.

"But I... your sister..."

"My sister won't come looking for you in my bed, she saw you leave with someone else," he whispered angrily against her mouth, the memory of her kissing Liam still haunting him.

She swallowed hard as she looked at him. She could see it in his eyes. He was picturing it. She secretly loved how jealous he'd gotten and how possessive he was of her, though she'd never tell anyone that.

Then his mouth came crushing down in her in a bruising kiss. It felt like he was punishing her as he bit and tugged at her lips, claiming them as his, before pushing his tongue inside her mouth. He kissed her hard and desperately, like she'd run away from him if he'd stop.

"I..." she began stumbling over her words again. "Allie... I mean I should...we can't... I'll go."

"No," he dismissed her as he grabbed her left nibble with his mouth sucking on it. She gasped at the mixture of pain and pleasure as he bit down on it hard. "I'm not done with you yet," he groaned before positioning himself between her legs. He placed his hands on her hips with a firm grip. Her chest was heaving with anticipation as she felt his hard cock press against her opening.

"Derek!" This time they both froze. Because this time the voice coming from down stairs wasn't his sister.

_A/N: So, this is where the a little more angst part of this fic starts, I hope you'll still stick with it even though it's not all bright and shiny. After all a little angst is a part of what makes MerDer so amazing._


	8. Chapter 8

_I'll make it all better eventually... I promise! Thanks for your reviews =)_

**Part eight**

It was a feminine, overly sweet kind of voice that had just called out his name. His hands were still firmly on her hips, not wanting to let her go now. He wanted to forget where they were and who was downstairs and just make her his one more time. He wanted to feel her one more time. He stared at her. Her eyes were wide, confused but dark with desire all at the same time. There were so many things he wanted to say to her at that moment but he couldn't find the words.

It wasn't until she heard the clicking of someone's heels as they made their way up the stairs that she jerked him away. She climbed out of the bed as fast as she could, and tried to find her clothes only to realize that they were downstairs, scattered across Mrs. Shepherd's living room. Derek stood up and slipped his boxers on and tried his hardest not to notice just how gorgeous she looked as she stood there, completely naked in his bedroom.

"Meredith, I..." he began, but she wouldn't let him finish.

"My clothes... they're downstairs... and I..." she was panicking. And the clicking sound of the heels approaching the room wasn't helping. He bent down to pick up his shirt from the night before so that she could cover herself.

"Meredith, I need to..."

"Honey, are you still asleep?" The door nub of the room turned and in a moment of panic Meredith ducked into the closet she'd been standing next to.

She was hyperventilating but tried to stay quiet and prayed to god that the tall redhead she could see through the closet door wouldn't hear her.

"It's noon and you're still in bed?" the woman inquired as she placed a kiss on Derek's lips. He just stood there. Dumfounded. He didn't say anything. He didn't kiss her back, but he didn't exactly push her away either. He just stood there and stared at the woman. Meredith wanted to cry as she was stuck there looking at their interaction. She was beautiful, dressed in a classy olive green knee-length dress. She wore black heels and a matching purse. The glossy red hair was pulled back in a flawless due. Her makeup was flawless, from the dark mascara to the flaming red lipstick. She had on expensive jewelry; a golden chain around her neck, matching earrings, platinum bracelet on her slim wrist and a diamond...

Oh god! She tried to fight the tears from forming in her eyes but it was as if she had lost all control over her tear ducts. There was no mistake. No one wore a ring like that unless they were engaged. They were engaged. He was engaged. The man she lo... No! She corrected herself. The man she had slept with, her best friend's brother was engaged. Incest and adultery. God, that was quite the track record.

"Addison," he finally found his voice. "What are you... why are you here?"

"Well, your mother called me and said she was going to come up here for the weekend and asked if I didn't want to come with her seeing as I haven't seen my handsome fiancé all summer," she smiled innocently as she searched for clean clothes for him in the suitcase he had thankfully yet to unpack.

"Addison, what are you doing?" he said with frustration evident in his voice, very aware of Meredith hearing every word they spoke.

"Finding something for you to wear," she shrugged as she handed him a pair of jeans and a dress shirt.

"That's not what I'm talking about and you know it!" He glared at her as he accepted the jeans, pulling them on and reaching for a t-shirt to go with it.

"Derek," she said with a sweet smile as she put a hand on each of his cheeks. "We need to start planning our big day."

"We broke up," he replied coldly.

"No, we had an argument," she said calmly.

"After I found you in bed with my college roommate," his voice was rising.

"And apparently you've used this summer to get back at me," she said as she picked up a black lace thong from the floor, waving it in his face. "Now, lets just move on. Get passed this. Call it even, okay?" she placed a quick kiss on his cheek. "Your mother and sister are waiting downstairs so we should hurry." She pulled on his arm as he reluctantly followed her to the door.

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She allowed herself seventeen seconds. Seventeen seconds to break down. Seventeen seconds to sit on the floor in his closet dressed in his shirt and let the tears fall down. And then she took a deep breath. If there was one thing Meredith Grey knew how to do, it was to act as if nothing ever got to her. So after seventeen seconds she sneaked back into her room, took a quick shower and changed into clean clothes before descending, pretending that everything was fine.

"Meredith," Mrs. Shepherd exclaimed as she saw her enter the kitchen.

"Hi, Mrs. Shepherd," Meredith smiled as the older woman pulled her in for a hug.

"I see that everyone slept in," Mrs. Shepherd said as she let go of her and pointed her to a seat. "I'm making soup for lunch."

"That sounds great," Meredith said with a small smile as she sat next to Allie across from the tall redhead. There was an awkward silence as she avoided Derek's gaze, penetrating as always and fiddled with the napkin in front of her. A few moments passed as Allie looked between her brother and her best friend who were acting a little strange in her opinion before finally Addison broke the silence.

"So, you must be Marilyn. I'm Addison, Derek's fiancée," she introduced herself with a big smile.

"It's Meredith," Derek corrected harshly, his eyes trying desperately to read Meredith.

"Oh, sorry," Addison apologized.

"It's fine," Meredith said. Her voice was shaking slightly but she hoped no one noticed. She cleared her throat. "That's a beautiful ring."

"Thank you!" Addison beamed. "It's three and half carat. We haven't set the date yet, but we're thinking next spring. That way we could have the reception outside if we find a suitable venue. There's so much planning to do so we have to start right away. I've already talked to a designer for my wedding dress ad talked to a goldsmith for the rings. Then I'd love to have red roses and tulips for the floral decorations and I'm thinking of either pale green or light blue for the bridesmaid's dresses. Which one do you like?"

"Addison," Derek cut in. "I don't think she wants to hear about bridesmaid's dresses."

"It's her wedding, she's allowed to be excited!" Meredith shot him a glare. "And I like blue."

"Are you okay?" Allie asked her in a low voice.

"I'm fine."

"It's just that you seem to be a little... uncomfortable, I guess."

"Well I'm not."

"Okay." Allie didn't push. That was the best thing. She knew her better than that. She always just waited until she was ready to let it out.

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Allie, Meredith and Derek ate their lunch in silence as Addison and Mrs. Shepherd talked about caterers and florists. Derek kept sneaking glances at Meredith. Although

she seemed unaffected by Addison's appearance he knew she wasn't.

When they'd finished eating Meredith excused herself, saying she needed fresh air.

He listened to Addison go on and on about colors and flowers and fabrics and entrées. God, that woman could talk. His mother and sister were politely listening and nodding, seemingly interested in everything she was saying. He wasn't. He just sat there, trying to remember a single reason why he'd asked her to marry him. He'd wanted a wife. Children. The white picket fence. Addison would no doubt make a flawless housewife. But as he sat there trying to reason with his head and his heart he realized that he didn't want flawless. He didn't want sophisticated. He didn't want high heels, bright red lipstick and hair tied up in a bun. He wanted free and careless and a little flawed. He wanted barefoot or socks that didn't quite match. He wanted someone who didn't bother to cover up the freckles on her nose or the rosy color of her lips. He wanted someone who'd let her hair down. He wanted...

"Hey, I'm going to run down to the hardware store," he said as he suddenly stood up.

"Okay, but you won't be long will you?" Addison asked in a whiny voice.

"Just until I find what I'm looking for."


	9. Chapter 9

**Part nine**

Running. She was running. She didn't know exactly where she was but that didn't matter. Right now all she wanted to do was run and get lost somewhere in the middle of nowhere. She looked around. She was no longer in town. She was in one of those small vineyards that surrounded it. She suddenly came to a stop trying to catch her breath. For the second time this morning she unsuccessfully tried to fight away the tears. Falling down to the ground she rested her back against a large tree as she just let them fall down, making uneven patterns on the dry ground.

How could she have been so stupid? He was every girl's dream. He could have anyone he wanted. Of course he had someone. He had a very perfect someone. An Isabella freaking Rossellini. And they were getting married. Happily ever after – married.

She'd known better than to get her hopes up, to expect last night to actually mean something. But in the end it hurt just the same. She knew Addison had probably been right. He was getting back at her. He'd been using her to get back at his girlfriend. Of course he would.

She sighed as she stared up into the sky. She should've known.

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He'd gone everywhere in town he could think of. He'd even tracked Liam down, but he hadn't seen her. If there was one thing she knew how to do, it was definitely how to avoid him. He eventually parked his car in the outskirts of town and got out. He kicked the tire of his car in frustration. He was so stupid. He should've told his mother that he'd broken up with Addie. He should've known she wouldn't back off that easily. And he shouldn't have slept with his baby sister's best friend.

She was young, beautiful and carefree. He shouldn't have got her tangled up in his mess. He should've let her be. He'd been selfish. Taken what he wanted. The problem was just that it wasn't enough. He wanted more. He needed more. He needed her next to him. The smell of her. The sound of her giggle. The feel of her pressed up against him as she slept. The look in her eyes as he pushed her over the edge.

He looked at his watch. He'd been away for a while. But he couldn't go home. Not yet. He started to walk south, towards the Dandridge vineyard, trying desperately to calm his nerves.

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"You know I could get you arrested for trespassing."

She didn't bother to even look up. She just continued to stare at the ground in front of her. "Be my guest."

The man chuckled slightly and came to sit down next to her. "You're not okay." He said quietly.

She looked up at him. He had short brown hair and blue eyes. Not piercing blue like Derek, but light blue. And he seemed kind. "No, I'm not," she admitted.

Usually she'd insist upon being absolutely fine. But she was too tired, too emotionally exhausted to argue with this stranger who'd just intruded her personal space. He was right. She wasn't okay.

He reached out his hand and draped it over her shoulder, pulling her to him. She thought about fighting it. But instead she gave in. She rested her on his shoulder. Usually when life's disappointments intruded her life she'd deal with it alone. Allie had been there, when they weren't thousands of miles apart. And now there was a strange man here. Someone who didn't ask. Someone who'd just let her rest her head on his shoulder. It felt nice.

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Derek continued to walk feeling dry sun burning his skin. He didn't care where he was going, or how long it'd been. He just kept on walking, guilt and frustration cursing through him. He couldn't even make sense of it. He barely knew her, he'd only met her a few of weeks ago. And it wasn't as if they'd spent long hours together. But there was that need. It was absurd, he knew that much. But it didn't change the fact that he needed her. It was almost primal. And yet it wasn't just lust, though it may have seemed that way.

He continued to walk amongst the plants of the old vineyard. He couldn't go home yet. He couldn't face Addie yet. He just needed to figure this out.

As he walked towards the old oak tree near the edge of the land he noticed two figures sitting on the ground beneath it. He recognized the boy as Finn Dandridge, Mr. Dandridge's youngest son. He didn't really know him, but he knew of him. He was a good kid. From Derek's angle he couldn't really see the other person but assumed it was his girlfriend judging from the way he held her. Derek smiled to himself. At least some people found what they were looking for, he thought.

He was about to turn around and walk away when he noticed something. The indigo blue of the girl's dress. So he stopped and took a closer look. He looked at the long legs that came from underneath the dress. Recognizing those legs he walked a little closer, all the while making sure they wouldn't see him. Then he saw the honey-blonde hair. He felt his breath hitch in his throat. It was her. Meredith. She lay ther comfortably with her head on his shoulder. Her eyes were closed as if she was sleeping, and he held her close.

Turning around quickly he tried to catch his breath, fighting the tears that threatened to escape from his tear ducts. How could he have been so stupid? She didn't care. He was just like any other boy to her. Like Liam had been last night. Like Finn was now. She didn't care. She'd really been playing. It had just been a game all along. And boy had she played with him. What started as shock and hurt soon developed into anger as he began to run. Run away from her. From what she'd done to him. He didn't stop until he reached his car, jumping in he drove as fast as his conscience would let him back home.


	10. Chapter 10

_Thanks again for all your reviews!_

**Part ten**

When Meredith eventually made her way home that night, Derek and Addison had already left for New York. Allie asked once or twice if something had happened and why she'd ran away, but she wouldn't talk about it. It made it a lot easier to pretend that nothing had happened when nobody knew about it.

She and Finn soon became good friends and it stayed that way for the weeks that were left of their summer stay. She hadn't told him about Derek either, and he hadn't asked. She enjoyed the summer she spent with Allie. She and Steve had become pretty much inseparable. She was happy for her friend, and though Liam and Mike didn't hang out with them as much since that night, Finn used to string along with them making Meredith feel less as a third wheel.

Eventually the summer came to an end, though and after a tearful goodbye Meredith went on the airplane back to Boston to her busy student life. The busy life made it easier not to think of Derek, or at least that was what she told herself. But the truth was that every time she saw a head of raven curls her heart would beat faster, and every time a boy kissed her all she could think about was his tongue in her mouth, his touch on her skin. Quickly she gave up on men, since it always just seemed to make her depressed, thinking about what she didn't have. So she focused on her studies. She was smart, at the top of her class, and even her mother had called just to tell her how proud she was of her.

It was in February that she received that letter. It was in a pale pink envelope with a fancy writing. She knew what it was, but refused to open it. It wasn't until Mrs. Shepherd called her insisting that she'd attend her only son's wedding in May that she was forced to face the reality. Mrs. Shepherd had told her that she was family and that they'd want her there. And as much as her heart was telling her not to go, to avoid, that this would only break the last piece of her heart, there was no way she could say no to the closest thing she'd ever had to a real mother. Especially when she was pleading with her, telling her she loved her and missed her and wanted to see her.

So she flew to New York in early May. She stayed at the Shepherd brownstone sharing a bedroom with Allie. And as miserable as she was feeling, it felt pretty great to be close to Allie and her sisters again. Steve hadn't been able to make it seeing as his cousin was getting married that same weekend, but him and Allie were still going strong.

At the rehearsal she had tried to avoid greeting the happy couple, but it seemed unavoidable. They stood by the entrance; him dressed in a dark suit, painfully handsome, and her in a dark green satin dress, hair and makeup impeccably elegant. Addison was happy in an obvious way. She nearly jumped Meredith when she saw her, starting to gush about her final decision of bridesmaids' dresses. Derek seemed to be happy too. Or content at least. He smiled politely at every guest, welcoming them. Except for her. Her, he just stared at.

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Coming back to the summer house after seeing her in Finn's arms Derek made a decision. He decided to face reality. That realistically he could never have her. That realistically Addison would make a good wife. That realistically he didn't mean anything to her, and he couldn't spend his life chasing a dream that would never be more than just that. A dream. So he wiped away the tears that had managed to make their way down his cheeks. He kissed his fiancée on the cheek, and they set the date. Not wanting to face Meredith he made up an excuse to rush back to New York with Addie, much to his mother's dislike.

But the thing with dreams though, is that even if they don't come true they stay with us. There's always that tiny little bit of hope of someday and somehow. And the thing with memories; they haunt us. Some things hurt so much to remember, but yet the heart doesn't seem to able to let go. And every time he closed his eyes he could see her. Feel her there. He wanted to forget, but somehow the idea of letting her go completely wasn't something he could face.

When Addison had tried to get him into bed, he'd said that they should wait till their wedding night to make it more special. She hadn't been happy, especially since their wedding day was almost nine months away at the time, but had reluctantly accepted Derek's suggestion knowing him to be a hopeless romantic.

But in reality there was nothing romantic about it. He soon realized that from that day forward the only person he'd think about during sex would be Meredith. She haunted his every dirty thought, every fantasy. And even though he couldn't avoid sex with Addison indefinitely, at least this way he had nine months for mental preparation. And praying to god he wouldn't yell out the wrong girl's name on his wedding night.

The winter passed and May came quickly. He'd avoided at the most to participate in the preparation so it was only at the day of their rehearsal dinner that he found out Meredith would be attending. The day before his wedding he found out that the girl that haunted his dreams would be sitting in the audience when he'd vow to love Addison till death to their part.

And now she was in front of him. In a beautiful dark blue dress with her hair slightly curled falling on her shoulders. And he couldn't breath. He couldn't take his eyes away from her. He swallowed hard as his eyes fell down her body, the silk of the dress hugging her every curve. And then she was gone as Allie pulled her with her into the ballroom and an old aunt came to give him a big hug. His heart was beating out of his chest as he stood there, greeting family and friends. It was cruel, really, how she could affect him.

She avoided him all evening, though he managed to sneak a few glances at her, his heart aching every time. She was sitting across the room, like a painful reminder of the fact that she wasn't his and never would be. And then she left. Without saying goodbye. Just like he had last summer.

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She sat in the second row. She sat among relatives and friends of the happy couple, everyone excited about the union. Everyone gushing about how they were meant to be, how great it was that they'd found each other, how great of a marriage they'd have. And it hurt. Surprisingly much. Every kind word spoken about the soon to be man and wife cut through her like a knife. She couldn't smile. Fighting away the tears was a challenge enough.

And she did it. That was something she'd pride herself in in the years to come. She sat in a second row of an overly decorated church filled with happy people and watched the man she loved marry someone else, and she didn't cry. To her it was like a test of strength, like a proof that she wasn't dependent on anyone and never would be. She didn't feel sad when she heard him say 'I do'. In stead she felt nothing. She was numb.

Of course that only lasted so long. That night, when everyone had gone to bed she'd snug into Allie's bed and literally broken down. Telling her everything. Sobbing and letting out every tear she'd held in that weekend. She wouldn't stop crying. So she fell asleep in Allie's with her soothing words comforting her. Allie hadn't asked for details, she had just held her. Making her feel like she wasn't alone in the world.

That summer she spent with Allie, Steve and Finn in the Shepherd's summerhouse. Deciding it was time to move on she accepted a date with Finn. He was a good guy. He was kind and genuine and he seemed to know how to handle her. She knew he'd never hurt her. Not intentionally anyway, not the way Derek had, and at the end of the day that was enough. The following year they spent apart while he finished his veteran studies in California, but the year after he moved to Boston to be with her and he did his internship there.

Allie moved back to New York after she finished her studies in photography. She and Steve married in a small ceremony at her parents' house, and a little less than a year later, a week after her 22nd birthday in August she gave birth to a beautiful baby boy they named Benjamin. They were happy.

That Christmas Meredith spent with the Dandridge family in California. They were kind people, and very welcoming of her. Since Derek' wedding she had completely avoided the Shepherd brownstone in New York, so for the first time in what seemed like forever she felt as if she belonged somewhere. Like she had a family of her own. So when on Christmas day morning Finn got down on one knee and asked her to be his forever, she said yes.


	11. Chapter 11

_This is a Mer/Der story and all will be better in the end.. I promise. But there will be a few more dark and twisty chapters... before the bright and shiny ones. All in all it's 20 chapters._

_This is barely even a chapter... but it is something that I feel needs to stand on it's own, I'm posting part 12 at the same time._

**Part eleven **

It was a feeling. You know, when you wake up and you just know. You know that something is not right. You know that your world is about to fall apart, you just don't know how.

Accidents happen. There's no one at fault. No one to blame. And still there's that anger cursing through you. You just don't know whom you should be angry at. God, maybe. Maybe she should be angry at fate. She wasn't even sure she believed in either. But it didn't change the way she felt.

It was a blur. It was like when she watched Derek marry Addison, she just felt numb. But she knew she'd break down by the end of the day. But this time there would be no Allie to hold her while she cried. Because this time it was Allie that fate or god or whoever it was out there had taken away.

This time she didn't sit in a second row of a church. This time she sat in a plane on her way to New York to attend the funeral of Allison Georgia Shepherd.


	12. Chapter 12

_I repeat this IS a MerDer story. No worries. Here's part 12 out of 20._

**Part twelve**

Somehow the usually cheerful Shepherd brownstone seemed dark and painful, even from the outside. She paused for a moment before entering; feeling that somehow if she didn't see the tears in the people's eyes it wouldn't come true. And then she took a breath and walked the remaining steps.

She was greeted by Holly throwing her arms around her. She heard a crying baby in the background, and then saw a distraught Steve coming to greet her while trying desperately to console his son. Nancy was there with her husband, Mrs. and Mr. Shepherd also. Mrs. Shepherd kept serving food that no one seemed to be able to touch. She held herself together though she was obviously on the edge of falling apart.

In the living room sat Addison and Derek. He didn't look up when she came in. He just kept staring at the wall in front of him. He was expressionless though tears were evident in his eyes. Addison seemed a little out of place, like she didn't quite know how to react. She just sat there and held Derek's hand. Her outfit, hair and makeup impeccable as always.

Like she'd expected, seeing them made it all real. All of a sudden she didn't feel numb anymore. She felt the pain, the loss, the anger... everything. She quickly excused herself, not wanting them to see her broken down. But Mrs. Shepherd followed her, and held her as they both broke down and sat crying and sobbing on the kitchen floor. There were no words spoken. There was really nothing to say. No one could make sense of it. Life was truly cruel.

About an hour after she got there Addison's pager went off and she was needed at the hospital. Derek barely acknowledged her as she said goodbye, he just kept staring at that wall. A little later, Holly and Nancy went back home to their families.

Mrs. Shepherd made the bed in Holly's old room for Meredith, she couldn't imagine staying in Allie's bed. She made dinner, but no one ate. As the night fell down Steve decided to head home and put little Ben to bed. Mrs. Shepherd decided to go with them and stay the night, not wanting Steve to be alone and Mr. Shepherd went also after Meredith had assured him that she'd be fine on her own. She prayed to God Derek would go with them, or just go home but he seemed hell bent on staying. She was distraught enough as it was and not at all in a shape to deal with being stuck in a house with him alone.

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He'd gone through every emotion in the last ten hours. Numbness, anger, hurt, loss and now need. He could sense her as soon as she walked in. But he couldn't look at her. Looking at her would lead to staring at her, which would lead to wanting her, which would lead to needing her which would lead to simply taking her. And he couldn't take her with his wife holding his hand, his mother serving food and his favorite little nephew crying over the loss of his mother. So he waited. An hour. Then two. When his mother had decided to stay with Steve he'd encouraged his father to do the same.

It was wrong, he knew that much. He was a good man. He was faithful to his wife. He knew she was engaged. But in that moment that didn't mean anything. It didn't make any difference. Because in that moment a person he loved so much had been taken from him and he needed to forget. To not remember for just a little while.

_The world was on fire and _

_no one could save me but you._

_It's strange what desire _

_will make foolish people do._

And when he heard the front door close he dared to look at her. The only person who could help him forget.

_I never dreamed that I'd _

_love somebody like you._

_And I never dreamed that I'd _

_lose somebody like you_

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He hadn't looked her way all night but now he was staring at her. The same way he had four years ago, like he could see straight through her. And then he stood up from the sofa and started to walk to her where she stood leaning against the wall. He didn't stop until he was standing directly in front of her; his eyes staring straight into hers. Her heart was beating so fast and her breath had become ragged. He was so close she could smell him, feel his warm breath on her skin. He didn't say anything as he just stared at her.

And then his lips were on hers. Urgent. Desperate. He pushed passed the barriers of her lips and delved into her mouth without asking for permission. She kissed him back, not even thinking of fighting it. She knew it was a lost cause. And feeling him touch her felt like coming into a warm house after spending years out in the cold.

_What a wicked game to play_

_to make me feel this way._

_What a wicked thing to do_

_to let me dream of you._

His hands found her hips and he pulled her to him firmly. She could feel his hard body against hers, his need for her pressing against her stomach. "Just tell me to stop," he whispered as he moved his lips down her neck.

"No, please don't," she whimpered, her voice on the edge of breaking as the tears threatened to fall.

He pulled back and looked at her. God, she was still beautiful. There was that desperation in her eyes, like she was pleading with him not to let her go. And at that point he couldn't. He was too far gone. He crashed his lips down on hers again, and picked her up as she wrapped her legs around his waist. He started to walk towards the stairs and then to his bedroom, making her his again.

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She began to fidget with the buttons of his shirt, needing to feel him, his bare skin against hers as they both fell down on his bed. She was straddling him as his hands made their way to the hem of her shirt, sliding underneath it. When she'd finished taking off his shirt, he slid her shirt over her head revealing her breast spilling out of a simple black lace bra that quickly joined the growing pile of clothes on the floor next to the bed. Soon the only thing separating them was the thin piece of fabric covering her mound.

She got lost in the sensation of feeling his lips and fingers touching her everywhere. The feel of his tongue on her nipple as he sucked on it gently and of his fingers on her thighs. It sent little shivers all over her body, eliciting little moans from her mouth. The look in his eyes was dark and intent as he watched the pleasure curse through her.

"I've wanted this for so long," he whispered into her ear as he caught the small lobe between his teeth.

_What a wicked thing to say_

_you never felt this way._

_What a wicked thing to do_

_to make me dream of you._

She ignored his words, not wanting to hear lies and promises. She just wanted to feel. His chest against hers. His cock pressing against her center. His breath on her neck. Anything but the pain of losing what she loved so much.

He hooked his fingers on her panties and she lifted her butt as he lowered them down her legs. He looked up at her in awe. She was like a goddess; the long blonde tresses of hair falling down her shoulders, her full breasts, the curve of her hips, her swollen lips and the darkened eyes.

"Oh, god," he moaned as she teased his cock with her wetness before finally lowering herself down on him.

"Derek," she winced a little as she felt his large size entering her, a lot bigger than what she was used to now. After a moment of adjusting she started to move her hips, forming little figures of eight.

She bit down on her lip and threw her head back as she road him. His eyes were fixed on the way her breasts bounced up and down. Then without warning he grabbed her hips and rolled them over so that he was on top of her and thrust into her hard and deep making her scream out his name in the mix of pain and pleasure, the latter soon taking over, her eyes squeezed shut.

"I need you to open your eyes," he grunted as he thrust into her again.

"I don't want to," she breathed.

"Open them," he ordered.

She slowly opened her eyes, seeing his stormy ones staring into her. She had no idea why he so desperately wanted her to look at him and she definitely didn't know where this submissive side of her came from but it seemed as though he had something to with it. He grabbed her lower lip between his teeth and bit down on it gently as his thrusts became harder and faster.

"Oh, God," she cried as she came closer to her peak.

"Meredith!"

"God!" She yelled as she came hard, her walls clamping down on him.

"Ohhh," he moaned as he followed her over the edge, spilling into her.

He held her pinned beneath him as their breathing slowed. As she came down from her peak she didn't forget anymore. As he lay on top of her and stared into her eyes, reality came crashing down on her. She looked up at him in desperation as the tears started to form in her eyes.

He gently rolled off of her and pulled her into his arms as she started to sob harder, falling apart in his arms. There was nothing he could say, so he just tightened his grip on her, intent on never letting her go again.


	13. Chapter 13

**Part thirteen**

He woke first. He didn't move. He didn't want to wake her. He just lied there enjoying the feeling of her naked body tangled up in his. Her head was buried in his neck and he felt her warm breath on his skin. He knew he'd have to wake her up eventually, they were expected to be at the local church at nine. But he couldn't let go of this moment just yet. He let his hand run down her side, over her amazing curves, enjoying the feeling of her butter soft skin underneath his fingertips. She let out a small moan in her sleep as his fingers lightly grazed her butt.

As he lay there with her in his arms, he purposely made sure his mind didn't wander to Addison or Finn. He didn't let it wander to his sister's death. The only thing on his mind was that scent of lavender that was filling his senses. The feel of her honey blonde hair spread across his chest. And the cute little noises she made in her sleep.

He knew, though. He knew it would soon end. He knew she was very likely to run away from him as soon as she would wake up and begin to think clearly. He'd taken advantage of her while she was vulnerable and broken. It was a thing she did to him, making him take whatever he could from her. No matter how immoral, how adulterous or how wrong.

It didn't feel wrong. It felt more right than anything else. It felt like he belonged. Like for the first time in his life, he could breath. Be himself. Which in itself was a little absurd, seeing how little time he'd actually spent with her. But she affected him all the same. Making him need her on an almost primal level.

"Meredith," he whispered softly in her ear, his hands coming to rest possessively on her waist.

"Hmmm..." she mumbled, burying her face deeper into the pillow his head rested on.

"We have to get up soon," he said, his voice still low and caring as he placed a soft kiss on the side of her neck.

"Sleeping."

"I know," he chuckled. "But you're going to have to get up eventually."

"I don't want to," she said in a voice so low he almost didn't hear it.

He sighed as he rolled them over and on top of her, pinning her beneath him and forcing her to open her eyes to the bright morning light. There was that look in his eyes as he looked down into hers. She couldn't pinpoint what it was, but there was just something that told her that possibly maybe last night had been more than a distraction from the pain of losing something you loved. That maybe it had meant something.

Without words or a warning his lips were on hers, though, and in that second all coherent thought went out the window. All she could do was feel. Feel the way he tugged at her lips and coaxed her to open them. Feel the way his tongue invaded her mouth. Feel the his hands made their way from where they'd been firmly on her waist, up her sides and lightly grazing the sides of her breasts.

She was once again lost in him. Her fingers automatically went to tug lightly on the raven curls on the back of his head. She moved to wrap her legs tightly around his waist, as if to hold on to him and to that moment. Because deep down she knew that all they had and ever would have was this short escape from reality, these stolen moments where they'd pretend things were different.

He made love to her slowly, with the passion only they had. He brought her to her peak, screaming his name as she came violently, her tiny form shook and trembled beneath him as he followed her over the edge.

They stayed that way for while, tangled up in each other. He held her tight as their breathing slowed, his lips tugging lightly on the exposed skin on her neck.

The clock kept ticking though, and soon the moment of completeness, that little escape from the cruelty of life, ended. The feeling of warmth turned to cold, the completeness turned into emptiness as they untangled themselves and moved to dress silently.

He meant to say something, while they ate their cereal or while he drove them to the church. Anything that would express what she meant to him, because he honestly had no idea what was running through her mind. But the words escaped him and he found that the words they'd left unsaid, both now and four years ago, were slowly piling up leaving a huge mess between them.

As he pulled up to the church he saw Addison standing on the front steps waiting for him. Meredith didn't say anything as she exited the vehicle. She politely smiled at Addison as she walked passed her and entered the ancient building, leaving Derek behind to greet his wife.

He felt like a cowered as he greeted his wife with a peck on the cheek. Why couldn't he just tell her how he felt? Maybe he was afraid of rejection. Maybe he felt that the timing was wrong. Maybe because of the simple fact that he felt it was too late. He was married to someone else. She was engaged.

He didn't take marriage lightly, yet his marriage to Addison seemed to pale in comparison to every moment spent with Meredith. And the face he saw when he closed his eyes at night wasn't Addison's. It was Meredith's. Even though he hadn't seen her in years, she was constantly in his mind. His heart would begin to beat faster every time he smelled someone who used that same lavender-scented conditioner, or when he saw a head of long, slightly curled, honey blonde hair. Every dream and every fantasy was about her. She haunted him.

He didn't know why he didn't tell her. All he knew was that in that moment, nothing made sense.

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The ceremony was beautiful, but sad and emotionally draining. Meredith felt like she'd been thrown harshly off of the cloud she'd been floating on that night and onto the cold ground. She felt lonely. She'd lost her best friend, and on top of all of that it felt a little like she'd lost Derek all over again even though he hadn't really ever been hers. He'd just been this boy she kind of knew, and she had a tendency of being there when he got horny. And this mess made her miss and need Allie even more.

She refused Mrs. Shepherd's offer of staying another night with them. Seeing Holly crying on the living room couch and Addison clutch on Derek's arm just made it all that harder.

So she left on the next plane out to Boston. Finn picked her up at the airport, waited for her with open arms. He would never use her. Never hurt her. Never break her. And she loved him. She wasn't sure if she was in love with him, but she loved him. He was a wonderful man. Any girl would be lucky to have him. And all he wanted was her.

So, as she walked towards his awaiting figure she decided to pretend that the only thing devastating about her trip to New York was the death of her best friend. Pretend that Derek Shepherd meant nothing to her. Pretend that he hadn't broken her heart. Because, damn it, she deserved to be happy. She was going to be happy.

_Okay... part 14 will be on a more positive note. Just you wait =)_


	14. Chapter 14

_A very short part... _

**Part 14**

7 YEARS LATER

"We have 23 surgical interns starting as well as four residents that are transferring from other hospitals, I hope to see them adapt quickly..."

He was only half listening to his fellow surgeon as he looked at his watch one more time. God, how much longer would he have to be there? He didn't really mind meetings, when they involved the practice of medicine. But listening to Erica Hahn rant on about good teaching techniques was making him more frustrated by the second. He didn't mind teaching, though. In fact, he loved it. The look on peoples' faces when they discovered something new about the human brain. The fascination in their eyes. It reminded him of himself when he was young and learning. Derek Shepherd really loved his job, even though he wasn't always particularly fond of Erica Hahn.

Forty minutes later the meeting had ended and he stood with other heads of departments in the reception hall as the new interns and residents took their seats. Most of them seemed nervous and anxious all at once. He remembered that feeling. He knew they must look a little intimidating standing there before them, world-renowned surgeons in indigo blue scrubs and white lab coats with serious expression on their faces.

When they had all settled down he let his eyes scan over the small crowd. That's when he first saw her. Her. He hadn't seen her in over seven years. He felt his breathing go a little ragged as he watched her. The honey blonde hair pulled back in a ponytail, but still leaving a few locks to curl around her face. Those emerald green eyes and that cute little freckled nose and those full rosy lips. Instinctively he felt his scrub pants grow a little bit tighter all of a sudden. It was strange how that girl still managed to affect him, just by sitting in the same room. The memory of her was still vivid in his head, he'd played it out so often in his head.

He cleared his throat as he tried to listen to what his chief of surgery was saying to the interns as thousands of questions ran through his mind. Where had she been? What was she doing here? Had she and Finn gotten married? Was that birthmark on her left hip still there? It had to be. Did she know that he was here?

By the look in her eyes when their eyes finally clashed she most certainly did not. He recognized the look in her eyes. The wide-eyed look that meant she was fighting the urge to run away from him as fast as she could. Oh no, he thought. This time you're not going anywhere.

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She felt a little silly sitting amongst the interns as they gasped about who was better at suturing a banana. She was on her fourth year, her third as a neurosurgical resident. She hadn't liked the idea of moving at first. She'd planned on selling her mother's house and keep living in Boston. But when she'd come back to look at it she just couldn't do it. It felt like selling the last piece of the only family she'd ever really had. Her mother might have been too busy to take care of her most of the time, but at the end of the day she was still her mother. And she took care of her in the only way that she knew how. It wasn't ideal, but no one ever said it was a perfect world.

So she applied for a spot a neuro-resident at Seattle Grace. She knew it was a long shot to get into such a prestige hospital, but she had a good reputation and chief Webber being an old friend of her mother's certainly helped. And little over a month later she was here. It felt pretty great, actually. Like a new beginning. She really needed a new beginning.

That was until she felt it. Someone was looking at her. Staring at her. Staring straight through her. And she knew without even looking up who it was. She took a deep breath. What the hell was he doing here? Wasn't he supposed to be in New York? Because a fresh start could absolutely not involve him. She needed to stay focused on her game, and that man had a way of fogging her mind every time he was anywhere in the same room. Oh, no. This was so not good.

After the rambling in her head had slightly subsided she first dared to look up. And there he was. He'd aged, but yet he looked even more handsome than before. She felt her breath hitch in her throat as she saw the look in his eyes. She'd seen it all too many times before. It was like he was undressing her with his eyes, planning a seduction. Hell, no. This time she would stay away from him. Now, if only she could make it sound a little bit more believable in her head she might actually pull it off.


	15. Chapter 15

**Part fifteen**

"And now I'm going to ask Dr. Shepherd, our head of neurosurgery, to say a few words," Dr. Webber said as he finished his speech and Derek had to shake his head trying to clear it of the images that had been haunting him for years, but with little success.

"Good afternoon," he greeted the crowd. "Like Dr. Webber just told you, I'm Dr. Shepherd, head of neurosurgery. For your first year it is important that each of you gets familiar with every specialty. We know that some of you already have you heart set on cardio, and others on plastics but I encourage you to stay open-minded non the less. As you learn and experience more, you might change your mind. Here at Seattle Grace we have world-renowned neurosurgeons, and a few very promising neurosurgical residents, and you will all get a chance to work with them. This is one of the most sought-after internship programs so we have high expectations. I expect you to do your homework, and do your very best to answer every question I throw at you. It's going to be hard, but it's going to be worth it. Welcome to the game."

His eyes were glued to Meredith the entire time he talked, so he didn't notice the appreciative glances from other females in the room. Which she was secretly thankful for. It wasn't subtle, the way he stared at her. He didn't even look embarrassed when she caught him staring down the open neckline of her shirt. He loved the way her cheeks turned crimson and how she squirmed in her seat. It was like an insurance that he wasn't the only one affected by whatever it was going on between them.

But then something caught his attention. She was born in the same year as Allie. Which would mean she was thirty years old now, and most of the interns were 25. So she was one of the residents. There were four residents transferring this year, three men and one woman. Richard had told him that the neuro-resident was a woman. He flashed her a wicked smile as this realization hit him. She was working under him.

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Okay, she had done her research before applying. They'd told her that the head of neuro was Dr. Jameson NOT Dr. Shepherd. Had they told her that it was Dr. Shepherd, she most definitely would not be sitting there, feeling penetrated by his gaze. She most definitely had sold that damn house and gotten herself as far away from Seattle as possible.

Before she even had time to register a coherent thought the meeting was over and the interns had scattered off to join their residents. The chief nodded to her and what she guessed were the other transfer-residents to come talk to him where he stood with the attendings. She took a deep breath before standing up and walking over to them.

"Ah, Meredith!" chief Webber exclaimed in a cheerful voice when he saw her approaching. "Come here, I'd like you to meet our head of neurosurgery. This is Dr. Shepherd, the man you'll be working under."

She did not miss the smirk on Derek's face over Dr. Webber's introduction; she could almost see the dirty thoughts forming in his mind.

"Nice to meet you," she said curtly and extended her hand, trying to ignore the curse of electricity that shot through her by the simple touch. "I thought you said the head of neuro was Dr. Jameson." She said looking back at the chief.

"Well after his wife's sudden death last month he decided to retire. He was thinking about moving to Ohio, where his daughter lives. Wanted to spend more time with the grandchildren. But we were very lucky to get Dr. Shepherd to fill his position. He's been developing cutting edge techniques in frontal lobe tumor removal, you'll learn a lot from him."

"I'm sure," she smiled politely.

"Well, Dr. Grey." Derek finally spoke. "Why don't we go to my office so we can work out your schedule and then I can give you tour of the hospital."

Oh this was just perfect. Her stuck in a small room with him. Alone. She was so screwed.

"You two have fun," the chief smiled before turning his attention to the new ortho resident.

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He lead her to his office down the hall from the room in which they'd greeted the interns. He placed his hand on the small of her back, and she didn't protest. She told herself it was because she didn't want to make a scene in the middle of the hospital on her first day, sounding very convincing in her head.

As they entered the office he nodded towards the two chairs that were placed in front of his desk and told her to have a seat as he sat down on the other side. She sat down and stared at her hands in her laps, avoiding his gaze.

"You know you're going to have to acknowledge my presence at some point, Meredith." Derek finally said.

"It's Dr. Grey!" She said firmly as she shot her head up and finally stared into those piercing blue eyes. Oh, those eyes.

He chuckled. "And here I thought we were friends," he amused.

"We were never friends," she argued and then looked back down at her friends before muttering. "And whatever we were we're not anymore."

He studied her hands. She didn't have a ring. Did that mean she wasn't married? Or did it simply mean that she didn't wear her rings? A lot of surgeons simply didn't wear them on a day-to-day basis.

"We can be friends," he then said.

"No, we can't. You're my boss." she said as firmly as she could as she looked back up.

"I'm a very friendly boss," he defended.

"I'm sure you are."

"Then we can be friends?"

"Fine, we can be friends." she sighed. He smiled contently but the smile quickly faded when she added a warning. "In a very platonic, strictly professional way."

"Now, why would we want that when we can do something so much more fun? You know, non-platonically?" he asked with a wicked smile as he stood up and walked to her where she sat on the other side of the desk.

"Because you're my boss!" she defended as he came to stand directly in front of her, his tall body hovering over her.

"Which means you're supposed to be working under me," he continued as he placed a hand on each armrest and leaned over her so she could feel his warm breath on the side of her neck. "And I happen to have very fond memories of you working under me," he whispered huskily in her ear.

"Well, I suggest you hold on to them tight as that's all you're ever getting," she continued, but her heart was pounding and her chest was heaving heavily.

"Are you sure about that?" he continued, his mouth dangerously close to her ear.

"Yeah," she managed to breath out.

"Now, that wasn't very convincing Dr. Grey!" his lips were barely touching her ear as he spoke, sending goose bumps all over her body.

He ducked his head a little lower so his lips could reach the side of her neck. But just as he was finally about to taste the soft skin of her neck he was interrupted by the beeping sound of his pager.

He cursed loudly as he pulled away, but his eyes were immediately drawn to her heaving breasts. God, how he missed those breasts. Reluctantly he pulled his eyes away from her and looked down at his pager.

"Shit, it's 911," he breathed as he stood up and began to walk towards the door, but then turned around. "You better be here when I get back. We are very far from being finished!" he warned before walking out the door, leaving her flustered and confused in her seat.

It took her a few moments to get her breathing calmed, before she took a deep breath and stood up. Fine! So he was her boss, she though pacing the small room. She'd do as he told her, she'd wait for him. But she'd be damned if she let him have the upper hand in whatever this was they were doing.


	16. Chapter 16

****

Part 16

42 minutes. She had been calmly waiting for him for forty-two minutes. Actually that was a lie. She had been waiting, yes. Calmly? Not so much. She'd been pacing the floors of the tiny room back and forth, trying desperately and so for unsuccessfully to find herself a way out of this mess. If there was one thing she was good at, avoidance would have to be it. And yet, she couldn't find a way out. What scared her even more was the fact that she wasn't even sure she wanted to.

She heard the doorknob turn and quickly ducked back into her seat. She took a breath to calm her nerves, but to her surprise it wasn't Derek who'd entered the room but an older gentleman.

"You must be Dr. Grey," he smiled gently as he greeted her. "I'm Dr. Parker, I'm a senior attending here. Unfortunately Dr. Shepherd had to go into surgery so he asked me to give you a tour of the hospital while you waited."

"Oh- okay," she breathed, feeling very relieved not to have to face Derek again just yet.

Meredith liked Dr. Parker, or Eric as he told her to call him. He was kind and welcoming as he showed her around the hospital. He told her about Dr. Jameson's tragic loss and his decision to retire. He talked about his own wife and children. When she inquired about Derek he confessed that he didn't really know anything about him. He'd only just moved out there a few weeks ago, but said that he liked him so far. Said he was a good boss, and a levelheaded surgeon.

It was close to an hour later that Eric's pager went off and he told her that Derek was waiting for her in his office now and she should go meet him to go over her shifts and some formalities.

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Derek's nose was buried so deep in her file that he almost didn't hear the light knock on the door. "Come in," he said without even looking up.

She quietly entered and sat down in the same chair as before. His expression was unreadable and he kept his eyes on her file as he spoke.

"I just need you to answer a few questions for me," he said.

"Okay, sure."

"Will you be needing access to the children's day care?"

"What?" her head snapped up.

"We have an excellent children's day care."

"So..."

"So, did you plan on using the hospital day care for your child or children."

"I uhmmm..." she trailed off, her head was feeling foggy again.

"Would you like to think about it?"

"NO!"

"I assure you we have very qualified staff."

"I'm sure you do. But I don't have a child! And therefore not children either. Obviously, since children is a plural of the word child... you know." Oh great she was starting to ramble.

"Really?" he asked, his eyes lightening up a little. Maybe she really wasn't married.

"Yes! I mean... yes I really don't have one. What does that have to do with anything?"

"Nothing. Marital status?"

"Seriously?"

"Yes."

"What has that got to do with anything?"

"These are standard questions."

"Oh," she sighed. "Well I'm... married," she muttered.

"What?" Derek's head snapped up; hurt and surprise flashing in the piercing blue eyes. "You're what?" he asked again in a surprised yet harsh tone.

"My marital status: Married," she muttered not looking him in the eye.

He closed the file abruptly and stared at her. Or either he was staring at her or the wall behind her, she couldn't really tell. "Why?" he asked then after a long pause.

"Why what?"

"Why did you marry him."

"Okay, I'm pretty sure THAT is not a standard question," she defended her voice getting a little high pitched as her cheeks flushed.

"It's not," he admitted, but his gaze still on her demanding her an answer.

"I... we... you... lets just get this over with."

He stared at her for a few more seconds before picking up the file again. "Spouse's name?" he continued his expression once again unreadable.

"Dr. Finley Dandridge," she muttered with a barely audible voice.

"Full address?"

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He'd quizzed her for a little while longer, sticking to the questions on the form an avoiding her gaze at all cost. Even though he knew people usually got married after having been engaged, I mean that was what he did, he'd still been holding on to that tiny bit of hope that she wasn't. That this time, it was their turn. That maybe fate had planned this as the time where they'd get their shot. But like so many times before, fate was cruel.

He sighed. How the hell was he supposed to work besides her and not want her, not need to have her? He couldn't sit still as the thoughts swam back and forth in his head. She'd been haunting his thoughts and dreams for so long and he'd promised himself that if he ever saw her again, he'd make her his whatever it took. And now she was here. Even more beautiful and wonderful and adorable and feisty than before, if that was even possible.

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She'd just have to make it into the elevator and to have the door close, and then – then she would be able to breath. The steel box was empty as she hurriedly entered it. She pressed the button, and began to let out a sigh of relief as the door began to close.

And then there was that hand. That stupid hand that stopped it from closing. That stupid hand in a white lab coat that made the door reopen. That stupid hand belonging to Derek Shepherd. "Hey," he panted slightly as he stepped in and pressed a button. And this time the grey steel door closed trapping her in that tiny space with the one person she could not trust herself to be alone with. This was so not her day.

She backed up against the wall as he faced her. Those eyes once again staring straight into her, reading her most intimate secrets. As the elevator began to move he reached behind him and pressed another button. The red one. The emergency button. The button that would hold her captive there until the moment he decided it was time to let her go.

It happened so fast. At one moment he was facing her, staring at her. The next his lips were on hers. Not tenderly or softly, but urgently. His lips were demanding as he bit and tugged at hers, his tongue pushing roughly against the barriers of her lips gaining access to her warm mouth. His hands were everywhere; her hips, her hair, her ass, her neck, her breasts, reaching underneath the hem of her shirt. She couldn't have fought it had she tried. It felt all too good. She moaned as she felt his tongue plunge into her mouth and his hard cock pressed up against her.

Eventually they both came up for air though and panting he took in her flushed features, her tasseled hair, the dark green of her eyes.

"You have no idea how bad I want you," he whispered huskily before kissing her again, a little gentler this time.

She was, like so many times when he was anywhere near her, lost for words. Lost for any coherent thought. So, she didn't think. She just closed her eyes and enjoyed the feeling of something she never thought she'd get to feel again.

At some point, though, he reached behind him again and pressed the button so they were once again moving. It came to a stop before they'd even reached their original destination. Not that she remembered where she was going. But he lead her out as he politely greeted a nurse that entered the elevator as they exited, with his hand firmly yet subtly on the small of her back. He was so close she could feel his warm breath on the back of her neck. Her own breathing was now coming out in small pants, and her cheeks were visibly flushed. Thankfully there weren't many people on the hall here, not that she had a clue of where 'here' was. His steps became faster as they reached an on-call room. He quickly opened the door to the empty room and pulled her with him into it.


	17. Chapter 17

_I'm sorry - I really am. Exams are taking up all my time - but I'm trying not to forget about this...._

Part 17

As the door closed behind them she felt herself being pressed up against the door, trapped between it and the man she hadn't been able to get out of her head since she was nineteen. In a heartbeat his lips were on hers once again. Licking them, prying them apart before his tongue invaded her mouth. She could feel the evidence of his arousal pressed up against her stomach as he pressed harder into her, his hands buried in her long honey blonde tresses.

Her fingers dug into his shoulders, and a moan escaped her throat as she felt his fingers descend from her hair, lightly grazing her neck and breasts through the material of her shirt moving down her ribcage and abdomen until they reached the hem of the shirt.

She descended her own hands, feeling the tight muscles of his back through his scrub top before settling them on his ass, squeezing it as she pulled him tighter to her, causing him to release a throaty groan.

He finally came up for air. Missing the warmth of his mouth on hers she felt cold, but that feeling was soon replaced by a tingly one when his mouth found her earlobe and then started to leave a trail of hot kisses down her throat.

"Oh God," she moaned as his hands found her butt and lift her up. She wrapped her legs around his thighs as he maneuvered them towards the bed in the dimly lit room.

They clumsily fell onto the small bed making her giggle, that infectious giggle of hers that he'd dreamt of more than he wanted to admit over the passed seven years. As his hands finally made their way underneath her shirt, though, the sweet sound of her giggles turned into a moan.

He paused for a moment to look at her. Her curly hair spread across the pillow, the rosy hue of her cheeks, her swollen lips. God, she was gorgeous.

He descended his mouth to hers again, his tongue finding hers in an erotic dance. His hands roamed her body, feeling her amazing curves.

Suddenly though they were interrupted by the sound of her cell phone ringing.

"I... the phone," she struggled to find her words as her breath came out in short pants.

"Ignore it," he told her as his mouth once again found the side of her neck.

"I... but..." she panted as she tried to think clearly, but found it really hard to do so.

"I need you Mer," he whispered huskily in her ear. "I can't wait. I need you. Now. I need you to ignore the phone and let me have you. Let me make you cum, okay?"

"I..." she breathed as she felt his fingers start to undo the buttons of her jeans. "Okay," she gave up. Like all those times before, she couldn't say no. She didn't want to say no. She wanted to be his, because if there ever was a feeling of being complete, it was in those short, rare moments that she'd been his. And even when they passed, she'd hold on to those moments for years.

But as she surrendered to him they were interrupted again by a load noise. This time the sound didn't come from her phone, but from his pager.

"Fuck!" Derek exclaimed. He sighed as he reached for his pager with his left hand, while his right one was still firmly on her hip where he'd been trying to maneuver her jeans down her hips.

"It's 911!" He sighed as he stared into her eyes. He knew he had to go. It was his post-op patient. But, God, he didn't want to. He opened his mouth to say something, anything. But there were no words.

"You should go," she said softly.

"I don't want to," he whispered as he reluctantly pulled away from her. He fixed his clothing and ran a hand through his hair. "I'm sorry," he muttered inaudibly as he exited the room, leaving her frustrated and confused in the small on call room.

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She had no idea for how long she lay there. She felt cold and alone. Actually she felt like she always felt except for those rare moments in time where his hands were on her body and his lips on hers. She sighed. Why was life so hard? Why do people long for things that aren't meant to be theirs? Why do we love those we can't have?

Eventually she made her way out of bed, and out of the hospital. She got home, changed into her PJ's and got comfortable in her couch with a movie and a glass of red wine. Anything to get her mind off of the events of the day.

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She woke up with a start as her doorbell rang loudly. God, she thought to herself, she'd really have to get that thing fixed. She looked at the clock on the living room wall as she made her way to the front door. It was seven already. She must've dozed off. She rubbed her eyes lazily as she opened the door.

And there he was. On her front steps. His hair was damp from the rain that was still pouring, and his ocean blue eyes were brighter than ever before. He held a large brown paper bag in one hand. "Hey," he said with a small smile.

"Hey," she replied in a low voice. "I... what are you doing here?"

"I brought you dinner," he grinned at her confused expression.

"I... what... why... what makes you think I'm alone?" she finally got out.

"You know it's the strangest thing. I looked up this address of yours, and they told me that there was no Finley Dandridge living her," he replied in a cheerful voice as he walked passed her and entered the foyer, leaving her dumbfounded on the front steps.

"I... you looked me up?" she asked in a frustrated voice as she closed the door and followed him into her house.

"I did," he said nonchalantly as he removed his coat.

"Why?"

"I thought I'd pay Fin a visit. We were good friends once, you know? Which way is the kitchen?"

"To your left. And you and Finn weren't friends."

"Well, we could've been if he hadn't stolen my girl," he said in a slightly harsher tone.

"What!" She choked out. "Are you talking about?"

"Him taking you away from me," he put the bag down on her kitchen table and turned to face her, anger and hurt evident in his eyes.

"I was never yours. You fucked me once when I was nineteen to get back at your fiancée," she practically yelled, she was getting angry. Who was he to come into her house and talk shit about Finn. She may not have been head over heels in love with him, but he was a good man. "Now, I never invited you in here. Get. Out. Now."

"I what? You think it was revenge? Where on earth did you get that idea?" Derek breathed, feeling dazed and confused.

"From the fact that you left me in your fucking closet Derek. And then you acted like nothing had ever happened! When I got back to the house you were long gone. Gone back home to marry that perfect little redhead of yours!"

"Well, maybe I wouldn't have left had you not ran into the arms of the next boy you met. Face it Meredith, back then I was just one of a million, wasn't I?"

"What the hell is that supposed to mean? That I'm some kind of slut?"

"Well there was that boy you were practically dry fucking on our porch, for one!"

"His name was Liam, and it was an innocent kiss. It's not like I would've slept with him."

"I don't care what his name is," he yelled back at her. "And I went after you! When you ran away, and you know what I found? You in the arms of another man! It took you less then an hour!"

"Fine," she yelled. "I was angry and upset and I ran away from you, and Finn was there. He let me cry on his shoulder for one afternoon when there was no one else, we didn't start dating till after you got married. Don't you dare call me a slut! I have slept with a total of two men in my life." She yelled as tears started to form in her eyes, her breathing heavy.

"What?" he choked.

"Please leave," she whimpered as she turned away from him. "Just leave me alone."

"What did you just say?" he asked again, dumfounded.

"I asked you to leave," she said as she cleared her throat and turned to face him. The tears were running down her cheek. There was that vulnerability in her eyes.

"Mer," he tried.

"No. Please don't," she begged as she shook her head.

"You were a virgin." He said softly as he felt the tears forming in his eyes. He was shocked. Wishing they'd gone slower, wandering after all those years if it was actually him that took advantage. But he also felt proud. He couldn't help it. He had her first. She'd been his before she'd been anyone else's.

"I was," she whispered not meeting his gaze.

"Why... didn't you say anything?"

"I don't know, it all happened so fast and I wasn't really thinking and... I don't know."

"I'm sorry," he said in a whisper.

"I'm not," she said, finally meeting his gaze.


	18. Chapter 18

_So... I've been absent and you deserve this :) This short and simple but I kind of love this part! Enjoy..._

Part 18

"I'm sorry," he said in a whisper.

"I'm not," she said, finally meeting his gaze.

He didn't know for how long he just stood there and stared at her, straight into those mesmerizing emerald colored eyes, the tears still evident although she wasn't crying anymore. She just looked at him. Looked into him, like she could see through any facade he'd put up. It could have been just a few seconds, but it felt like forever. And the truth was he'd be perfectly happy spending the rest of his life just looking at her. But eventually the seconds or minutes or hours, whatever it was, came to an end when she closed the distance between them, cupping his face between her hands she pressed her lips firmly against his. It wasn't a passionate or an erotic kiss, like all their kisses up until that moment had been. It was a kiss of love. Even though they didn't say it or think it they could feel it. The firm grip she had on his face, like she never wanted to let him go. The way he pulled her tighter to him, afraid that if he'd let go for a second she would run away from him once again. But he wouldn't let her. Not this time.

Eventually they came up for air. He laid his forehead against hers and closed his eyes, enjoying the fell of her so close to him. The smell, the warmth.

"I want you, Mer. I want you and not anyone else. I've always wanted you."

She opened her eyes and looked up to look into his.

"And I don't know what the deal is with you and Finn," he continued. "But for some reason you're here not wearing a wedding ring, and from what I heard he's living in Madrid."

"We're separated," she muttered incoherently.

He smiled at her.

"Addison and I got divorced five years ago," he said quietly.

There was a moment of silence as it seemed as if she was registering his words before she muttered a quietly: "Okay."

"Okay?"

"Yeah," she smiled.

"Okay, as in you'll be mine?"

"I'm yours."

"Really mine," he breathed.

Just at that moment her stomach grumbled loudly. He chuckled.

"I guess that means I have to feed you."

"Food would be good," she smiled blushing a little in embarrassment. "What'd you get?" she asked curiously as she turned around to inspect the large brown paper bag he'd brought with him.

"Lasagna. Is that okay?"

"It's perfect."

"I used my mom's old recipe."

"Really?" she grinned, but then frowned. "You cooked this yourself?"

"Hey! I'm a good chef," he defended. "I made you pizza once. Remember?"

She blushed slightly. She didn't remember the pizza. But she did remember sitting on the counter watching him make it. She remembered...

"I see you remember," he chuckled at her crimson colored cheeks. She hit his arm playfully.

"It's not nice to make fun of young innocent people."

"You're not so innocent anymore," he said in a slightly hoarse voice.

"Whose fault is that?" she teased back as she placed the plates on the kitchen table.

"I'll have to take credit for that," he chuckled as he sat down opposite her. His. The word rang in his head. She was finally his.

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	19. Chapter 19

_Okay so here's the porny part... I really did try to get this up yesterday but the site wasn't cooperating. Anyways - part 20/epilogue will be up soon._

Part 19

The conversation came easily over the delicious meal, a lot more easily then either of them would've thought. They talked about Steve and Ben, and his sisters, their jobs. They didn't talk about Allie. There really was no need for words when it came to her. It still hurt too much, after all those years.

After dinner he helped her clean up, putting the leftovers in a Tupperware while she cleaned their dishes. At a certain moment as they both stood in the kitchen, she with her back to him as she stood over the sink and him in the other end of the kitchen, the conversation stopped and she felt the air between them shift. His eyes were boring into her back. She got the same old feeling of being completely exposed to him, a feeling she was getting used to again now.

She felt his strong hands on her hips, pulling her against him. His labored breath on her neck. She felt the goose bumps form on her arms. As his lips found her neck she felt heat shoot through her body. Her wet hands held onto the counter as he pressed her against it, the dirty dishes in the sink long forgotten. She could feel his hard length pressed into her backside. His hands slowly made their way to the hem of her shirt, lightly grazing the lower part of her abdomen before descending to unbutton her jeans as his lips found her tiny earlobe.

"Meredith?" he huskily whispered into her ear as his fingers unbuttoned her jeans.

"Mhmmm..." was the only answer she could muster.

"I want you," he continued as he moved to slide the jeans down her hips, his fingers grazing the smooth skin.

"Mmmhhh" she breathed as the jeans fell to the floor and his hands moved up the back of her legs, as he bit lightly on the small lobe.

She abruptly turned around and grabbed his head in her hands and pulled his lips to hers as she kissed him hard.

"Take me!" she demanded against his lips as her fingers went down to his shirt to undo the buttons of his shirt.

"I plan to," he husked as he attacked her blouse for the second time today; not bothering to undo the buttons this time he pulled it open sending the delicate buttons flying across the kitchen.

"Good," she breathed as she pushed his shirt down his shoulder; running her fingers down his muscular forearms. She didn't really care for the blouse.

Soon her own shirt was gone as well, his pants followed then.

They stumbled through the kitchen and into the living room, but that was as far as they got; he pushed her hard up against the large window that was facing the backyard.

"What are you doing?" she breathed out.

"I can't wait," he said as his hand made its way behind her to undo the clasp of her satin bra; freeing her perky breasts from their restrain.

His gaze moved down to her breasts and he saw the tiny nipples harden under his gaze. Her eyes were dark, her lips swollen and her cheeks were flushed and he was sure he'd never wanted anyone as much as he wanted her right this second. His fingers found her aching breasts and he took a nipple between his fingers and squeezed it as she released a whimper from her rosy lips.

His hands moved down to her hips and lower still and he started to rub her through he panties.

"God, Derek."

He kissed her hard as his fingers moved the fragile material aside and let his fingers graze her wetness and then pushed inside her.

Her breath hitched in her throat. The feeling of his fingers slowly moving in and out was beyond amazing. But then he stopped. She tried to protest but silenced as she felt his fingers undo the ribbons that held her panties together on her hips. She felt them fall to the floor; as she tried to convince herself that no one would see them through the window. It was late; no one would be walking by. Right? Besides she was too far gone. No way could she stop now. It wasn't a want at this point. She needed to feel him. Inside her. Making her his.

She moved her hands down to his hips to slide his boxers down his hips; grabbing his butt and pressing him against her feeling his head on her center.

He groaned loudly at the feeling of her warmth and picked her up; holding her by her waist. Her eyes were half-closed as her head fell back against the glass. Slowly he lowered her onto him.

"Oh god," he moaned. The reality of her was a million times better than the memory or fantasy.

"Derek" she whimpered as she felt her walls stretch to accommodate his large size. God, he was good.

"Look at me, Mer," he whispered.

"Move your ass," she ordered, her frustrations getting the better of her.

"Not until you look at me," he demanded.

"Looking," she whispered as she opened her eyes to stare into his.

"Good girl," he husked as his lips found her in a heated kiss and he slowly began to move. His mouth was slow and gentle against hers; his tongue slowly pushing past her lips and into her warm mouth.

The feeling was amazing. The dishes in the sink, the fear of someone seeing them and most importantly the bitterness of the past eleven years were long gone. It felt right. Free. Amazing.

He continued to move slowly; loving the sound of every moan and whimper that escaped from her lips. When he felt her begin to shake he sped up his movements.

"Harder, Derek," she pleaded; her eyes still locked onto his.

He quickly obliged, moving faster and harder until he felt her walls start clamp down on him.

"Ohhhh..."

"That's it, Mer."

"God, Der.."

"Mer," he felt himself getting closer to the edge and moved to pound into her even harder; her plump bottom slapping against the cold glass.

"Yes!"

"God, oh!"

"Derek!" she screamed as she came hard; her entire body shaking.

"Ohhhh..." he followed spilling into her.

For a few seconds he held her there, stayed inside her. Felt her sweat-covered body against his, her breath on his skin. "I love you," he whispered.

"I love you, too." It was barely audible, but he heard it.

"Come on, let's go to bed," he said. He pulled out and put her back down.

"Yeah," she smiled as she lead them upstairs with a huge grin on her face. Somehow she felt like whatever hindrance they'd come across they'd beat it. Together.


	20. Chapter 20

_So I didn't completely stand by the daily updates-thing - but I tried and it was pretty often, right? Anyways I thought I should post this epilogue with part 19. It's short and to the point, like this entire story! I'd like to thank everyone for their wonderful reviews - I've loved them =) _

Part 20 / epilogue

She groaned and buried her face under the soft pillow as she felt someone jumping in her bed. "It's your turn," she murmured to the man who lay beside her, his hairy legs tangled up in her own and his arms holding her tight to him.

"It's always my turn," he chuckled into her hair.

"That's because I suck at making pancakes," she smiled.

"That you do," he laughed as his lips found hers in a soft kiss.

"Hi," she smiled.

"Hey," he murmured and kissed her again as they felt a second pair of feet joining the ones who already were jumping the bed.

"I guess I'm making pancakes," he laughed as he crawled out of bed, four little feet loudly following him down the stairs.

She laughed to herself before getting out of bed herself and following her family to the kitchen. Sometimes she still couldn't believe they actually made it. That twenty years after that summer at the Shepherd's summerhouse, sixteen years after the saddest day she'd ever faced, nine years after fade had brought them back together they were still going strong. They were happy. Derek was making pancakes in they're small kitchen as 4 year-old sat on the kitchen counter and gave him instructions and their 2 year-old sat on her lap with her tiny hands on her barely-there baby bump. It wasn't an extraordinary way of life, but it was still kind of amazing and really perfect.

Her divorce with Finn had come through only a few weeks after she and Derek had started over. They'd been married for 6 years when she'd finally woken up to the reality that she'd been using him to fill a void. He hadn't let her go without a fight though, and over the years she'd come to terms with the fact that she'd never get rid of the guilt that came along with breaking an innocent man's heart. She still prayed for him at night, that he'd find happiness.

Her and Derek had taking things slow. Or they had meant to take things slow, but as always with them things happened faster than either of them really admitted. He practically lived at her house from day one, but he didn't officially move in until a year later. Two years after that they got engaged. He'd given her his grandmother's ring, asked her on the land they later built their dream house.

They hadn't wanted a big white wedding, so they got a local priest to marry them on their land. It was only family and close friends, twenty-seven guests. His mother had made her gown out of a simple white satin. She had cried all through the ceremony, watching her son and the girl who in a way had become her daughter become one.

The house they built wasn't big or luxurious; but it was warm and perfect. It had four extra bedrooms; he'd told her it was 'just in case'. They hadn't really planned on any of them, but in the heat of the moment rationality often flew out the window with the two of them and now there was a Grey-Shepherd number 3 on the way. But it was perfect, still.

Meredith still remembered when the stick had turned blue for the first time almost five years ago. She had paced the bedroom floor for almost an hour while he had simply laughed saying it was bound to happen eventually with all the sex they were having. Then he had gone out at gotten her strawberry ice cream to calm her down.

And then a few months later a gorgeous baby boy had come into the world. It had taken many painful hours; she'd been screaming at the top of her lungs swearing that they'd never have sex ever again. But no matter how much she yelled or how tight she'd squeezed his hand he'd stayed by her side, murmuring calming words into her ear.

They'd named him Thomas Michael. Thomas after her grandfather and Michael after his father. And after all this time she couldn't get over how beautiful he was. He had dark hair and piercing blue eyes just like his father. He was independent though, and stubborn. Derek used to joke about how much like her he was.

Three months passed from Thomas' birth to the next time the stick turned blue. This time it took a lot more ice cream to calm her down as she thought it would be completely and utterly impossible to have two crying babies in their small house at once. But he did it, he convinced her they could do anything. Together. And that was just the thing. She never felt alone in anything she did. He was always right there besides her. And he was right there besides when they lost the baby. It had been an extra uterine pregnancy. He'd held her, cried with her, mourned with her.

Two years later she gave birth to healthy daughter. Allison Elizabeth. Allie. And if possible she was just as amazingly beautiful as Thomas was. Her blonde hair was curly and her eyes were green-blue. She was more quiet than him, but she was just as amazing. And Derek always spoiled her when he thought she didn't notice. She didn't mind though. She loved to watch him with the kids, he was amazing with them.

She wondered if the one growing inside her now would be a boy or a girl. This time there hadn't been any freaking out when the stick turned blue. This time Derek had picked her up, and danced around the room with her in his arms. She could still remember the look on his face. The way his eyes sparkled. The way he looked at her. Like she was his everything. In that moment she knew that he was well worth eleven long years of wait and whatever guilt she'd carry on her shoulders for years to come. He was worth it all.


End file.
